8 Hard-To-Hear Reasons Your Relationships Rarely Work Out
The possibilities are of your own making.
Katiekk2 | Canva Someone can want a relationship with all their might, but that doesn't mean they'll get one, or that they'll get a lasting or healthy one. Sometimes the problem isn't with the people they date, but with themselves. Luckily, this means that it can be easily fixed, but they need to understand the reason first.
Here are 8 reasons why someone's relationships never work out:
1. You're too eager
Authenticity is a very attractive quality but so is not being too eager. Recent research has indicated that appearing highly self-confident as part of playing hard to get tests the commitment and quality of any would-be mate. The researchers suggest "...that the more unavailable a person is, the more people are willing to invest in them."
2. You get frustrated too easily
Complaining isn’t an attractive quality. It is usually much better to just say how you feel and ask for what you want or need. And the tone of voice is important. We communicate our emotions by our tone.
3. You can't accept imperfection
That’s right, even you. Knowing yourself and your partner is having an understanding of the different aspects of your personality and how these came about. Can you accept that no one is perfect and you can’t change anyone else? Could you live with this other person if they never changed?
4. You don't take the time to know the other person
Versus projecting your idealized version of who you want them to be? If you are doing the latter, the other person will feel it and not feel accepted and known for who they are.
5. You're a bad listener
We all want to feel heard and understood. Being validated (meaning acknowledged for how we make sense, not necessarily agreeing) is very soothing. When we don’t feel heard and validated we may not want to stay around.
6. You don't believe a person when they tell you who they are
Or do you think you can get them to change? Best to accept what they say and if you don’t like it, move on to someone you do accept as they are. Believe what they tell you.
7. You don't ask the right questions on dates
Best to ask all the questions and do your interviewing in the first 5 dates. That is when most people are most honest. After that, their answers may vary by what they think you want to hear. If you haven’t taken the opportunity of doing the interviewing early you may miss a lot of information that you need for determining compatibility.
8. You're not honest
Be honest about what kind of relationship you want. Do you want marriage, committed monogamy, or casual dating? Remember that once intimacy begins and oxytocin starts running through your veins, things frequently change to wanting more attachment than you thought you wanted initially.
Marian Stansbury is a marriage & family therapist turned relationship coach. She uses her training from being a mental health professional and a professional coach to help bring her clients one step closer to a brand-new them and to easily improve their lives and relationships so that they will have greater satisfaction, safety, and security.