The Hard-To-Hear Reason You're So Unlucky In Love
Love isn't about luck, it just happens.
Dean Drobot, ooyoo | Canva Why don't my relationships ever work out? Why can't I meet anyone new? Is it possible to attract a soulmate? Why do I keep dating the same men over and over? Why am I so unlucky in love? Have you ever asked yourself those questions? You're not alone. Women everywhere have been asking themselves these questions and it's time we figured out what's going wrong, so we can change our luck.
To get some answers, Melanie Gorman, asked a group of our relationship experts — including Abby Rodman, Maya Ezratti, Ellen Whitehurst, and Jesbina Alhuwalia — whether it's true that some women are just unlucky when it comes to love and dating. They all agreed that yes, there is a degree of luck when it comes to finding your soulmate, but most of it has to do with you. In Judaism, there is a concept that man has to do all he can, and only then will God take care of the rest. Whether you believe in God, fate, destiny, or coincidence, the concept is the same for your dating life: you have to put in the effort if you want to find love.
Here are the hard-to-hear reasons you're so unlucky in love:
1. You leave it to chance
We've seen all the romance movies and heard the most epic love stories, and we want that for ourselves. Yes, some people are meant to meet their soulmates by sitting next to them on a long plane ride and having an instant connection. But think of all the love stories where they run into each other volunteering or they met at a singles event or they met at a friend's party. Those may not have that "meet cute" element that you see in Romantic Comedies, but their love is just as deep. Stop turning down invitations to events, don't go back to the same bar every night, and go try something new. There are plenty of cool places to meet people and if you never give them a try, you'll never know who you might be passing up.
Pexels / cottonbro studio
2. You change things up, but you're not true to yourself
If you keep attracting lousy men, it might be time to try something new. But be sure to stay true to yourself. Don't suddenly dress in jeans and a T-shirt if you're really a blazer and skirt kind of woman.
3. You're not comfortable with yourself
Men can tell if you're feeling awkward without having to talk to you. If dating and going out don't come naturally to you, practice. Take a couple of nights where you dress yourself up and go to a restaurant by yourself. The goal is to feel comfortable in who you are, how you look, and how you act. You might get a little nervous when you go out with a guy. That's okay. But if you are confident in yourself and your abilities, men will be that much more attracted to you.
If you've tried all of these — genuinely tried and have given it your best effort — it's time to look inside. It could be a lack of self-esteem that's getting in the way or perhaps you have stress that's ruining all of your relationships. Maybe you have some trauma in your past you need to work through or maybe you feel like you're not worthy of love. Whatever it is, it's time to find someone — a professional — to talk to. Once you feel your best, you'll be able to put your best foot forward and, you'll find, that your luck will turn around before you know it.
Ellen Whitehurst is a Lifestylist and Ultimate Health and Wellness expert and author. She is recognized as the country’s premier expert in Feng Shui and other empowering modalities. A former monthly columnist for both ‘Redbook’ and Seventeen magazines, Ellen is also a recurrent contributor to The Huffington Post and John Edward’s Infinite Quest among others. Estee Kahn is a writer, amateur photographer, and contributor to YourTango. Her bylines have also appeared on Huffington Post and Yahoo, where she writes about dating, relationships, friendship, and self-esteem. Abby Rodman, LICSW, is a writer and psychotherapist. She's the author of three books, including Without This Ring: A Woman's Guide to Successfully Living Through and Beyond Midlife Divorce, and co-hosts the podcast, Sisters Cracking Up. Jasbina Ahluwalia is a matchmaker and the founder of Intersections Match. She has been featured in Business Week, Chicago Tribune, Huffington Post, Entrepreneur Magazine, Inc., San Jose Mercury News, and more. Maya Ezratti is a Certified Rules Dating & Relationships Coach. She coaches men and women on how to remove the desperation and frustration from dating, romance, relationships, and marriage. Melanie Gorman is the former Senior VP of YourTango Experts.