3 Factors That Stop A Man From Seeing A Woman As Marriage Material, According To Psychology
Why men only see you as a short term relationship.
Jacob Lund | Canva Are you a woman with a lot going for her in all areas except in love and relationships? Do men stop calling or withdraw after a few dates or tell you they’re not interested or don’t feel the right chemistry with you?
Maybe you’re wondering if men are simply intimidated by you because you’re a strong, successful woman. The truth is, a man isn’t turned off by a successful woman. A man can, however, be turned off by the way you’re relating to him.
Here are the three ways you may be unintentionally causing a man to stop seeing you as true wife material.
Here are three common factors that stop a man from seeing a woman as marriage material:
1. You play down your success
You pretend you’re "less than" because you fear intimidating a man. You play down your strengths and successes because you think he won’t like competing with you.
Men love successful women, and according to statistics from the Pew Research Center, 12% of marriages involve the woman making more than her husband.
If you’re a successful woman, revel in your success! Run everything at work, be managerial, and multi-tasking. But when you’re with a man, don’t try to manage him.
2. You try to manage him
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You may be doing this without realizing it. For example, he’ll tell you about a problem he’s having and you say, "You should do this…" or "If I were you, I wouldn’t do that…"
This makes him feel managed — like he’s a child and you’re his mother. This isn’t a good feeling for a man. He wants to feel respected and admired, not mothered.
According to one study from The University of North Dakota, people who feel disrespect in their relationships tend to be less satisfied, and more satisfied when they feel respected. You can let a man know what you want and need by simply saying, "I’d like that" "I don’t want that" or "That would feel good to me."
3. You do too much
One drawback to being an accomplished woman is that you know how to get a lot done, usually all at once. When you want something in your relationship, it’s hard for you to wait for him to do it.
It’s easier to call him first, make the plans, and decide on the venue — all so you don’t have to feel frustrated and impatient. The cure for this is to learn to be surprised by a man, and not work so hard to make things happen.
A woman who’s busy rowing the "rowboat of love" leaves a man with nothing to do. He either sits back and enjoys the ride, or he does what we tell him to do — and I’ve never met a woman who thought either of those were attractive in a man.
I understand how all this feels. I’m a woman who instinctively wants to take charge, and the way I was using those strengths was harming my relationships.
Over time, I learned how to harness my masculine, take-charge energy to become successful in my work, while basically giving up controlling a man in any way. Research from the Pew Research Center shows that men prefer women with feminine traits for a wife.
This is what turned everything around for me nearly overnight and has led me to have a glorious, 20-plus-year marriage with the man of my dreams.
Rori Raye is a relationship coach who's helped thousands of women transform their love lives.