Experts Reveal The Tiniest Way To Keep Your Marriage Safe From Divorce
It will take effort, but it's so worth it.
dimaberlinphotos | Canva Finding your one true love in life is hard enough, don't you think? But then trying to keep your "happily ever after" marriage happy takes a whole new level of commitment and effort. Divorce rates are discouragingly high (and even higher among second and third marriages). So, how do you keep your marriage from becoming a casualty? Former YourTango Senior VP of Experts Melanie Gorman asked a panel of our Experts this very question. She gathered divorce coach Karen Finn; matchmaker and dating coach Jasbina Ahluwalia; counselor and therapist Dr. Pat Love; and relationship trainer Julie Nise to share their wisdom about how to keep a modern marriage strong.
The experts all agree — that a fun and fulfilling marriage is entirely possible if you consistently invest time and energy into it. "The marriage is the most important thing," says Julie Nise. "If something affects the marriage in terms of what you like, or what you need, or what you want, [it's] gotta go. Marriage comes first." Of course, we already know this. We know that the distractions and demands of life should never nudge our marriage to the back burner — but, let's be honest, they do. So, to help us keep our spouse front and center, our Experts explored the topic of safeguarding your marriage from the following angles:
- How limiting beliefs get in the way of healthy connection in your relationship
- Whether your list of ideal expectations reflects your true needs or your wants
- How to decide which comes first — the marriage or the individual
- How to maintain connection every day, even during conflict or mundane tasks
- The importance of knowing what's most important to your spouse
- Understanding when to fight about something, and when to let it go
- Understanding your spouse's attachment style
For a marriage to be saved, both partners must be willing to save it. It can't just be one person putting in all the work. Deciding to end a marriage is a big decision, and isn't something people in healthy marriages do. Make sure there's still a marriage worth saving before you use any of these techniques.
Julie Nise is a Marriage/Couples Counselor who helps couples change the future by putting their awareness on the future. Dr. Karen Finn is a divorce and life coach. Her writing on marriage, divorce, and co-parenting has appeared on MSN, Yahoo, Psych Central, Huffington Post, Prevention, and The Good Men Project, among others. Jasbina Ahluwalia is a matchmaker and the founder of Intersections Match. She has been featured in Business Week, Chicago Tribune, Huffington Post, Entrepreneur Magazine, Inc., San Jose Mercury News, and more. Dr. Pat Love, Ed.D., LMFT, is an acclaimed relationship counselor and author of multiple books, including The Truth About Love, and How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It. Melanie Gorman is the former Senior VP of YourTango Experts.