Don't Put Your Full Trust In Someone Until You've Had These 7 Uncomfortable Conversations
Technology has blurred the lines of commitment in our digital age.
Studio Romantic via Shutterstock Relationships are more complicated than ever in the digital age. Technology, social media, and even AI have blurred the lines of commitment, making emotional and digital infidelity highly personal. What once was clearly "cheating" now exists in a gray area, making open conversations about trust essential.
According to the American Psychological Association, most infidelity stems from unmet needs, poor communication, and lack of emotional safety. Couples who thrive don't just set rules — they create agreements built on trust and understanding.
To maintain a strong relationship, couples must discuss their evolving needs and expectations. The following seven conversations are key to navigating intimacy, trust, and modern relationship challenges.
Seven conversations every couple should have to avoid cheating and infidelity:
1. Define what commitment means for you
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Conversation Starter: "What does commitment mean to you? Does it change when we're online, engaging with social media, or using technology like AI?"
In today’s world, commitment is no longer just about physical exclusivity. It includes emotional, digital, and even artificial connections. AI chatbots and immersive virtual realities create new gray areas.
Couples must define their boundaries and turn them into agreements supporting both partners’ needs. What feels acceptable? What crosses the line? When do these interactions replace real-life intimacy?
How to Approach It:
- Discuss past experiences where digital interactions made you feel uneasy or disconnected.
- Define your shared agreements about acceptable tech-based interactions.
- Ensure that agreements reflect both partners' unique needs and perspectives rather than just stating personal boundaries.
- Revisit this conversation as technology evolves.
Example: Alex was fine with Taylor using AI chatbots for fun — until they realized Taylor confided in the bot more than in them. A conversation about emotional connection helped them set clear agreements that supported their unique boundaries, ensuring they remained connected rather than disconnected by technology.
2. Flirting, attraction, and emotional affairs
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Conversation Starter: "Where is the line between innocent flirting and emotional betrayal?"
Flirting happens—at work, in social settings, and online. Is it harmless, or does it signal more profound emotional discontent? Some couples allow flirting if it doesn’t cross certain emotional or physical lines.
How to Approach It:
- Acknowledge personal and cultural influences on flirting.
- Determine whether flirting adds excitement or threatens security.
- Move beyond boundaries and form agreements on what is acceptable.
Example: Priya and Sam had different views on workplace banter. An honest talk helped them establish what felt respectful and risky, resulting in a clear agreement about acceptable social interactions.
3. Social media, DMing and reconnecting with exes
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Conversation Starter: "If an old flame reached out via DM, how would you handle it? Should we discuss reconnecting with past partners?"
Social media makes it easy to reconnect with past partners. A friendly message can quickly evolve into emotional or romantic territory. Defining how to handle these situations prevents secrecy and misunderstandings.
How to Approach It:
- Discuss personal boundaries around online friendships.
- Set expectations for transparency about past partners.
- Move beyond boundaries by creating agreements that support both partners' comfort levels.
Example: Alex felt betrayed when Jordan secretly messaged their ex. Jordan didn’t think it was an issue. A heart-to-heart clarified what each considered appropriate online engagement and led to a clear agreement on handling past relationships.
4. Monogamy vs. exploring non-traditional relationship dynamics
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Conversation Starter: "What are your thoughts on monogamy? Is it a conscious choice or something we assume we have to follow?"
Non-monogamy isn’t just about open relationships—it’s about understanding desires, autonomy, and honest discussions. Although both partners prefer exclusivity, acknowledging different perspectives removes secrecy and shame.
A 2011 study found that 20% of people in monogamous relationships have, at some point, discussed the possibility of consensual non-monogamy, even if they never acted on it. These conversations can create deeper trust, even if the relationship remains exclusive.
How to Approach It:
- Share personal beliefs and experiences about monogamy versus openness.
- Discuss how curiosity differs from action.
- Address any fears or insecurities with compassion.
- You may have never had this discussion with a partner before. Be courageous and radically honest. Be careful not to judge or respond in ways that could shut your partner down.
Example: Jordan admitted to being curious about consensual non-monogamy. Their partner, Tina, shared she had experimented a couple of times with other women and that she no longer shared that interest but felt grateful for the honest discussion.
5. Dissatisfaction and how to meet each other’s needs
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Conversation Starter: "How can we ensure that our intimate connection remains strong and fulfilling for both of us?"
Dissatisfaction with intimacy is one of the most common areas where relationships struggle, yet many couples avoid addressing it head-on. Physical intimacy can evolve, and when the clarity around needs emerges, avoiding the conversation only deepens disconnection.
Studies of intimacy Response Types reveal that two energetic differences are not gender-specific. Understanding these various approaches to physical engagement and arousal dramatically impacts overall satisfaction. Other programs have helped couples identify their preferred ways to engage in intimate activities.
How to Approach It:
- Create a safe space where both partners can freely express their desires without fear of judgment.
- Explore whether lack of interest or dissatisfaction stems from emotional disconnection, physical changes, or unmet desires.
- Discuss ways to reignite intimacy through new experiences, deeper emotional connection, or external support like therapy, coaching, or training.
- Form clear agreements addressing changing needs over time, ensuring both partners feel heard and valued.
Example: Mia and Devin noticed their physical intimacy had dwindled. Instead of ignoring it, they openly discussed what they needed to feel desired. They strengthened their bond by creating agreements on initiating intimacy, trying new experiences, and deepening emotional connection rather than allowing dissatisfaction to grow.
6. AI, mature content, and the changing landscape of intimacy
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Conversation Starter: "How do you feel about AI-generated content, intimate chatbots, or interactive fantasy platforms? Are they a threat, an enhancement, or neutral?"
AI-driven is more sophisticated than ever, creating hyper-realistic experiences. Some use AI chatbots to fulfill emotional needs, while others engage with interactive media. Is this a form of infidelity? Or can it be an outlet for self-exploration?
Couples need to discuss their personal views on AI and online content and create agreements about how these technologies fit into their relationship. A 2011 study found that individuals in committed relationships who regularly consumed stimulating online content without discussing it with their partners were more likely to experience relationship dissatisfaction over time. However, couples who openly discussed their use and formed agreements experienced greater intimacy and trust.
How to Approach It:
- Express personal viewpoints without judgment.
- Discuss whether certain types of media enhance or detract from your connection.
- Move beyond stating boundaries to creating mutually agreed-upon guidelines that support the relationship.
- Reevaluate agreements as technology evolves.
Example: Jamie felt betrayed when Morgan used AI-generated "romantic" content, while Morgan saw it as harmless. Their open discussion helped them redefine intimacy in their relationship, leading to a mutual agreement that honored their boundaries, ensuring that neither felt neglected or disrespected.
7. How to repair trust after a breach of agreements
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Conversation Starter: "If one of us breaches an agreement, how do we repair and rebuild rather than react with shame or avoidance?"
Mistakes and missteps happen in relationships. The real question is: How do we handle them? Whether it’s an emotional slip, a miscommunication, or a broken agreement, the key is creating a process for repair that strengthens trust rather than further erodes it.
How to Approach It:
- Acknowledge the breach openly and honestly without defensiveness or blame.
- Discuss why the agreement was broken— was it unclear expectations, due to unmet needs, or a deeper issue?
- Focus on what repair looks like. Your commitment to each other faltered. What now?
Is it an apology requiring a behavior change? A new agreement that reflects lessons learned? How will you build a better, stronger, and lasting relationship? - Prioritize absolute transparency and trustworthiness moving forward.
Example: Chris and Annie agreed not to message past partners. When Annie discovered Chris had sent a message to an ex, he instantly became untrustworthy. Instead of sweeping it under the rug, they openly discussed why it happened, re-established their agreements, and worked on strengthening emotional security in their relationship.
Larry Michel is a relationship coach & founder of the Institute of Genetic Energetics and author of LASTING: 11 Illuminations & Essential Questions for a Co-Creative Evolutionary Partnership, Larry’s science uncovers how people's unique genetic coding drives every relationship decision, including who they are drawn to as partners.