Don't Agree To Become Exclusive Until You've Gone On These 6 Dates Together
Don’t rush things. Make sure you know your partner before making it exclusive.
People Images Yuri A / Shutterstock.com The dating world can be tough — even for the most extroverted, experienced, and confident daters. From first dates to navigating “talking stages,” there are a million unwritten rules that we’re expected to follow that can be equally frustrating and overwhelming.
But what happens when you meet that person? Even if you’re head over heels for them, at what point is it acceptable to make things exclusive?
While each relationship is uniquely different, dating expert Carleigh Ferrante, took her advice to Instagram and suggested vetting your new love with 6 specific dates before deciding to go exclusive.
Here are 6 dates that you should absolutely go on before making things exclusive with a potential partner:
1. 'The screener date'
Also known as the first date, the “screener date,” as Ferrante dubbed it, gives you a good idea about whether this potential partner is someone you’d actually be interested in knowing. Before you put your emotions, time, and energy on the line, you have to investigate just how interested you actually are.
The best way to approach these dates is by preparing your own baselines, standards, and expectations. Try to worry less about whether or not they’ll like you, and prioritize yourself — do you like this person enough to have a second date?
Ferrante said it's best to keep the setting casual. “I prefer drinks, coffee (but needs to be a place with a vibe), a walk, or ice cream.” Being that only 20% of first dates result in a second one, use these “screener dates” as a way to get to know what you like, dislike, and are attracted to.
Don’t put so much pressure on yourself. Show up, get comfortable meeting new people, and most importantly, be yourself.
2. 'The vibey date'
After your first date, chances are you still don’t know this person all that well. Maybe, you’ve been texting each other casually, sending TikToks back and forth, or even recalling fun moments from your screener date — there’s a spark, but still so much more to figure out.
“Once you’ve both met in real life and have decided you’re interested, it’s time to actually start getting to know each other,” Ferrante explained, “and feeling out the chemistry and connection.”
Think of this as a screener date without the stress and anxiety of meeting someone for the first time. You know this person is interested, you’re interested, and you’re making the choice to see each other again — that’s exciting!
3. 'The dinner date'
Dinner dates hold a lot of power for people dating casually. You’re stuck together for an entire meal, with plenty of opportunities to chat, and you’re probably going to come out of it with a more confident decision about the potential for a relationship.
“You need a few meal dates!” Ferrante insisted. “I’m always surprised about the different things I learn/notice about a person in a restaurant setting versus a bar. I also love learning the type of restaurants they like going to and how they order.”
Are they kind to the waitstaff? Do they show up early to pick the perfect corner booth? Do they sit down before you or let you choose the first seat? What’s their opinion on vegan cuisine?
Dinner dates are not only a preview of the kinds of food you’ll share together, but they also give you plenty of time to experience all the awkwardness, banter, and conversations you need to progress.
4. 'The activity date'
A 2021 study found that dates that promote "closeness" are essential for established couples to thrive. So, if it works for long-term love, why not a budding romance? To test out your connection?
“This is my favorite kind of date,” Ferrante shared, “and so helpful for not only getting to know someone but also for building a deeper connection! Think pickleball, darts, mini golf, shuffleboard.”
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Not only does it open the door to learning about their competitive nature — obviously, the most important quality a partner can bestow — it gives you the chance to see their interactions in a completely new and different setting.
5. 'The educational date'
While it might not be a traditional experience for many daters in the current landscape, Ferrante said “learning together” is an important step in progressing towards exclusivity.
“Learning together is literally proven to bond people! I’m not saying you have to take a math class together, but how about a cooking class, a trip to a museum, or a trivia date?”
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Want to ramp up the passion in a fledgling romance? A 2000 study found that sharing new, out-of-the-box experiences with each other is key. This is true for both new love and well-established couples. From discovering new art at a museum to trying out a new hobby together, there are a million ways to learn together while you get to know each other.
6. 'The friend date'
Lastly, the “friend date” — which seems counterintuitive as the final stage to making things exclusive, but is incredibly important. Especially if you trust your inner circle and close friends, getting their opinion on your potential partner can truly solidify or completely change your mind about starting a relationship.
Ferrante noted, "You should meet at least a few friends before DTR (dating to relationship). It helps to see how someone acts around their friends and how they show up around yours.”
Especially if they’re very social and have lots of friends, getting to see their dynamic and understand their expectations can give you a great glimpse into what your social and weekend life will look like with this new partner.
At the end of the day, you should take your relationship (and dating life) at whatever speed you find comfortable. But don’t make things exclusive just for the sake of the label — get to know them, yourself, and your relationship expectations before you make it official.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a News & Entertainment Writer at YourTango who focuses on health & wellness, social policy, and human interest stories.