Divorce Lawyer Says There’s Nothing Wrong With Being A Gold Digger — ‘Love Does Not Pay The Bills’
The divorce lawyer explained that wanting financial security isn't anything to be ashamed of.
Pavel Danilyuk While women who marry into money are often shamed and stigmatized, one divorce lawyer has explained why there's nothing wrong with being a "gold digger."
Marriage is a contract, and successful contracts require strategy, said Lena Nguyen, a divorce lawyer practicing in New York, California, and Texas. Nguyen took to social media to explain why it's strategic for women to marry up.
The divorce lawyer explained why there's nothing wrong with being a 'gold digger.'
In a TikTok video, Nguyen expressed to women that there is nothing wrong with participating in hypergamy, or marrying up, to ensure financial security.
“Do people really expect women to look for someone without money?” asked Nguyen, who noted the double standard between how men and women choose their partners. “Men have been strategic in choosing their partners forever. They want beauty, youth, and someone who makes their life easier. But the second a woman says she wants financial security, suddenly she is seen as shallow.”
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The divorce lawyer shared a reminder that 'love does not pay the bills.'
She expressed that as a divorce lawyer, she has seen what happens when women don’t make financial stability a priority in choosing their future husbands. While love is an important foundational aspect of a relationship, it alone may not be enough to sustain a marriage. Partners should also focus on creating a stable, supportive framework for their relationship, including financial planning, clear communication, and shared goals.
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In the context of divorce, it also underscores how crucial it is for individuals to think beyond emotions and focus on securing their financial future and well-being, as love alone may not shield them from the harsh realities of a marital breakdown.
Hypergamy was designed to secure social and financial stability for women in societies where they had limited rights and opportunities.
In this context, marrying a partner of higher status, whether that meant wealth, power, or social standing, was a way to ensure a better life for themselves and their offspring. It also provided access to resources and protection that women often couldn’t attain independently due to gendered societal structures.
Over time, as societies evolved and gender roles shifted, the idea of hypergamy has broadened. It's no longer solely about financial security but about seeking a partner who can offer emotional, intellectual, and social growth. Today, many people, regardless of gender, consider it a natural desire to form relationships that elevate their lives in meaningful ways.
In a 2016 study on hypergamy researchers found that countries where women have higher educational attainment than men tend to be more accepting of women’s roles as breadwinners and have more relaxed views on the potential negative consequences of women’s earnings in the household. This has caused scholars to suggest that this mindset could spur fertility rates in low-fertility countries.
Men also participate in hypergamy, just as much as women do.
While hypergamy is often discussed in the context of women seeking partners who are more financially stable or socially powerful, men can also engage in hypergamy by seeking partners with higher status, wealth, or other advantageous traits. A man looking for what a woman brings to the table such as cooking, cleaning, and child rearing are hypergamous in nature.
In the past, societal norms largely dictated that women marry up for security and social mobility, while men were more likely to marry women of similar or lower status. However, with changing gender roles, education, and social structures, more men are also seeking partners who are highly educated, successful, or socially influential.
In modern contexts, especially in societies where gender roles have become more fluid, the idea of hypergamy applies to both men and women, though the specifics of what ‘higher status’ entails may vary. Men, just like women, may seek relationships that enhance their own status, wealth, or life prospects, making the concept of hypergamy relevant for both genders.
Sylvia Ojeda is an author who has over a decade of experience writing novels and screenplays. She covers self-help, relationships, culture, and human interest topics.