I've Been A Dating Expert For More Than 20 Years — There Are Only 2 Ways To Get A Man To Fall In Love With You
Finding great love starts with how you feel about yourself.
safariday | Canva What makes a man fall in love?
Research has some answers for us. It turns out, that a man’s capacity to love romantically is deeply intertwined with his earliest experiences of love — the bond with his mother.
To make a man fall in love with you, you have to unconditionally love him but still demand conditions within your relationship.
When a man feels like he can “let go” and relax in your presence, while also feeling like you require the best from him (putting him back out into the world a better man), he becomes addicted to you and the relationship. He suddenly can't deny how attracted he is to you.
I've been a dating expert for more than 20 years — there's only 2 ways to get a man to fall in love with you:
1. Make him feel like a proud employee
Men love to provide. He loves it when he can make you happy. He doesn't have to love you to want to make you happy — it's that he can make you happy that allows the love to be cultivated.
A woman’s smile is a reflection back to a man that he has worth. This is never to be underestimated.
Pexels / khezez | خزاز
It’s also important that a man knows when he is slacking off and getting lazy in the relationship. It’s not effective to criticize him, but when you express your honest feelings to him (free of blame), you indirectly send him the message that you are not a pushover.
It’s less about him and more about you speaking your truth and not stifling your feelings and needs. He will respect you for having the strength to speak up.
When you can show him how much you value him for the person he is and for what he does for you, while still being honest when he doesn’t make the effort to honor your relationship, he will work harder and harder to earn and keep your love.
2. Make him feel safe with you
It’s not enough to just make him feel like a proud employee. To make a man fall in love with you, he has to also feel a deep sense of emotional security in the relationship. This is the only way for the relationship to evolve.
Appreciating him and playing into his power to provide will only get you so far — it will keep the relationship strong, but it won’t tighten the bond. What it does is create an emotional connection — a true spiritual attraction — and creating an emotional connection with a man starts with your emotional connection to yourself.
Getting in touch with your emotions is a brave and vulnerable thing, but it will also free you up to feel more alive and happier with your life. To start getting in touch with your emotions, start speaking your feelings aloud.
Whether you are with him, friends, or family, comment on how things make you feel:
“I feel so angry right now I could scream.”
“I feel dull and sad today and it sucks.”
“I feel anxious and worried after talking with my boss.”
“I feel so giddy and silly about seeing that movie. I want to do a l'il jig!”
Don't be afraid to swan-dive in the wonderment around you. Don't try to hide your sadness or be too mature with your joyousness. Don't be afraid to be playful and poetic, even downright florid.
Take the stick out of your bum, stop trying to sound smart or interesting, and stop trying to control and manage the way things go. Instead, unabashedly share your feelings about any and everything, without needing a certain response back.
If something in your environment moves you, a commercial about a puppy or a baby, for instance, share those feelings with your man. Let your feelings rush over you and stay an “open vessel” to show him how touched you are.
When he can see that things move you (even anger you), he will feel connected to his life force through your vivaciousness.
When you connect to your emotions, you also create a zip line to a man’s emotions. Men are thinkers, stuck in their heads and worried about the future.
When you can bring him into the moment and into his own slushy, soft, tender vulnerability, he will melt into you and feel safe to explore his emotional side further with your support and guidance.
Kristina Marchant is a writer and author with a BA in psychology from Barnard College at Columbia University. She is also a relationship coach who advises women on men and healthy relationship skills.