The #1 Dating 'Cheat Code' That Gives Some People A Huge Advantage
Break bad patterns and set yourself up for success from the start.
Hiraman | Canva You've gone on a couple of dates and felt compelled to rush things because you feel this person can be 'the one.' But wait a second, before falling into love headfirst, it's important to learn how to take things slow.
Before you respond that you don't have to learn how to do something as simple as slowing down your dating pace, let's remember how dizzying it can be to develop feelings for someone. Whether it's the first or fifth date, the connection we develop for a potential partner can create an incredible "high" in our brains — a feeling that can cause us to lose our grip on reality for a short time. That's why you need a plan before those happy brain chemicals hit! In a helpful video, Dating coach Sabrina Zohar explains how and why.
The #1 dating skill that gives some people an advantage over others: Going slowly
Moving slowly doesn't mean playing hard-to-get
"Going slow isn't an excuse for bad behavior," begins Zohar. Like, it doesn't mean you ghost the person or rarely text them throughout the week. No, going slow is a lot simpler.
"Going slow means you're not expediting the stages of a relationship quicker than they need to be," explains Zohar. Meaning, no rushing intimacy or making things official after just one date.
Going slow is crucial to truly get to know the person you're with. To know if they'd be a good match and to observe their character, to ask those hard-hitting questions before you get into a relationship.
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How to slow down when you like someone
Taking your time is one way you don't waste your time running in circles, as indicated by a study on dating duration and relationship quality.
1. Communicate your expectations and reasoning
Sometimes beating around the bush isn't the best thing when it comes to dating. Most of us want to find a match and build a sustaining relationship.
If you spend too much time playing mind games, you're just wasting your time. As Zohar explains, "More often than not relationships end not because there's a lack of love but because needs can't be met by the other person."
This is why it's important to show your cards early on and let them know your intentions with dating and what going slow means to you, as supported by a study of relationship stability and commitment. For some, going slow means not committing right away. For others, it can be not being physically intimate until marriage.
Truthfully, understanding where you both stand will make it a whole lot easier to see if you're a good match or not.
2. Stay off each other's social media
Using social media is a headache and a half. There's too much drama and it can get overwhelming when self-doubt and insecurities seep into the equation. So, do yourself a favor and don't add each other on social media right away. Zohar explains, "Social media stalking is the addiction loop, Your cortisol is always rising because you're stressed or unsure and the dopamine starts to plummet," as outlined in a 2016 study.
This can spell disaster for any potential relationship. Which is why you should try getting to know one another off-screen first.
3. Make plans ahead of time and avoid last-minute hookups
I love texting as much as the next person as someone who is more introverted. There is nothing I love more than being home with a good book or two. However, if you are serious about dating then you need to rely less on texting and more on interaction.
Zohar says, "Do things where you can actually have eye contact with this person and you're not creating a version of who you want them to be."
What if they keep canceling last second or rarely have time to go out? Zohar warns, "If they are not making time for you then this is not somebody that you wanna continue to entertain." So, pack your bags and keep it moving.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, and family topics.