Dating Coach Warns That Men Put Women Into 5 Different Categories — And It’s Not As Simple As ‘Wife Material’ Or Not
His advice might be hard to hear, but it's also a game-changer.
Roman Samborskyi / Shutterstock.com Dating dynamics can be infuriating to decipher, and sometimes, it feels like it's impossible to read the people we're dating — especially if those people are men.
However, one dating coach on TikTok is demystifying this whole process.
The dating coach explained that men put women into 5 different categories, and it's more complicated than you'd think.
Now, before we go any further, Anwar White, known as @datingcoachanwar on Tiktok, isn't saying any of this is the way it SHOULD be; it is the way it IS.
That's your heads-up that some of this advice… well, it might be tough to hear! But sometimes that's how the most valuable truth-telling goes, right?
"I wanted to share with you as your fairy godbrother and as a dating coach for 14 years," White said in his video, "that men put women into different categories — and it's not the simplistic wifey material, not wifey material categories."
He identified five different boxes men put women into that might help you suss out whether he is or is not actually into you and, more importantly, whether you want to keep him around or kick him to the curb!
1. The desperate girl
We warned you that this was tough love! "The desperate girl is the girl that's chasing," White explained. "Emailing him, texting him, trying to earn his love."
Photo: Joy_Studio / Shutterstock
So how do you know if this is you? "No shade," White went on to say, "If you are always initiating conversations, texts, [or] if the only reason that he's reaching out is because [he] wants something or needs something… you're probably in the desperate girl category." Ouch. But let that messiness go!
2. The good-time girl
You can probably guess what this one's about. "This is the girl that he hooks up with," he explained. But it goes way deeper than that — and this one's going to be hard to hear, too.
"These are the girls that he doesn't wanna be seen in public with," White said, and if he's only texting you late at night or only taking you on dates at far-flung places where he knows no one will see him, well… this is you.
I dated a guy like this once who worked in fashion and usually only dated underwear models. After weeks of trying to figure out why he would only hang out with me inside my house, a friend finally leveled with me. "Girl, he likes stocky but doesn't want anyone to know he likes stocky because of his image. Are you new?" Okay, your tone was really pointed, Brandon, but you were right!
White said this can apply to, yes, "curvier" girls, but also "darker-skinned" women, trans women, and any other woman who falls outside the conventional beauty standards.
Which is to say — GET RID OF HIM. Or, as White put it, "These guys will try to put you in the box, so don't let them do that."
3. The good-enough girl
"He's doing, like, the bare minimum, and things are okay. He's not mean, he's not rude," White explained. "But he's not doing the small and special things… to really value and cherish you." This does not include things like birthday and Valentine's Day gifts, he said, which qualify as the bare minimum.
If you're wondering if this is you, White said to ask yourself, "Am I always having to ask him to do things, and is he not doing them the first time around?"
4. The dream girl
In contrast to the "good enough girl," a guy who's truly into you, White said, will go the extra mile and will either anticipate your needs and wants or only need to be asked once to do them.
Plus, "he's gonna do the little stuff in between the random flowers," White said. "He's going to take care of things without you asking him."
Photo: Kamil Macniak / Shutterstock
This comes with pitfalls that he cautioned women not to stumble into, however.
"You wanna make sure that you're not performing," he warned. "A lot of girls will... feel like, oh, my god, I have to be some… curated version of myself and not my real self. Don't do that, girl!" he said.
5. The out-of-his-league girl
White held up Jay-Z and Beyoncé as the perfect example of this type of partnership (sorry, Jay). "This is where the woman comes from wealth, more education, has a bigger job or prestige than the guy," he explained, "and he's doing everything that he can to be a part of that prestige, to lift himself up."
This isn't necessarily a bad thing, but it can easily go sideways. White said that oftentimes, "after a while, if he doesn't feel like he's satisfying her needs, he will cheat or he will try to humble her in a certain kind of way… so he doesn't feel as inadequate."
If you find yourself in any of these five categories, it doesn't mean you're stuck.
White suggested working with a coach like him to help you move past the things holding you back and avoid falling into one of these categories.
"There are deeper things happening that you're gonna have to heal from," he said. But in the end, that kind of work is always worth it.
John Sundholm is a news and entertainment writer who covers pop culture, social justice, and human interest topics.