Dating Coach Reveals The One Big Mistake People Make During The Beginning Phase Of A Relationship
She came to the realization while she was in the dating game herself.
Dean Drobot / Shutterstock Dating coach Gabby Padron shared a “huge reality check” she recently had regarding the early stages of dating, and it is one that most modern daters would not expect.
According to Padron, many people make the same mistake when they first start dating a potential romantic partner, and it could ruin their chances of getting to know them on an even deeper level.
The dating and confidence coach revealed that texting 24/7 is a common mistake people make at the beginning of dating.
Padron explained that she came to this realization while she was at the beginning stages of dating herself.
“At the end of last year, I was talking to this guy who was a great guy, like all around hands-down gentleman,” she shared in a TikTok video. “Perfect guy, perfect catch.”
One notable thing the man did differently while he and Padron were getting to know each other was that he never texted her. Instead, he would call her to make plans together. She originally viewed this as a potential red flag.
“I was thinking, ‘I really want someone who is gonna be more consistent with me and sure about me,” she admitted. “Personally, I’m used to a lot of guys just texting me on a regular basis, and he just wasn’t doing that.”
Padron said she asked the universe to give her a partner who would text her consistently throughout the day, even if they were in the infant stages of dating. The universe delivered — the next guy Padron began dating had texted her regularly, wishing her a good morning and good night, and checked in on her constantly.
“It was a constant text stream 24/7,” she said.
Although, there was a catch.
“The problem is he was also love bombing me,” Padron shared.
Constant communication by a new love interest could be a sign of love bombing.
Love bombing is a manipulative tactic used by individuals, often in romantic relationships, to overwhelm someone with affection, attention, and praise to gain control or influence over them. Some examples of love bombing include showering a partner with gifts and compliments at the beginning of a relationship or constantly texting and calling to see what they’re up to.
While this behavior might seem romantic at first, especially to someone who craves attention and affection, it can become overwhelming and suffocating over time.
“I really had to take a deep look inside and figure out what it is that I’m looking for,” Padron said. “And I came to the realization that if I’m just meeting someone, why would I think that it would be okay to have access to them 24/7?”
She also had to ask herself what was triggering her to feel as if she had to have a person’s constant attention. That was when she came to an important conclusion regarding people in the early stages of dating.
Photo: nelen / Shutterstock
“A high-quality man is going to be pretty busy working on the things that are important to him,” Padron said. “What inside of you thinks that you should have access to him 24/7 in the very beginning?”
Gabby explained that texting should become more common gradually over time when you and the other person become more serious.
“I know a lot of you are saying, ‘Well, we always have our phone in hand, it takes two seconds,' I get it, but hear me out,” she said. “That same person that’s texting you on a continuous basis non-stop is looking for this thrill, this chase, and they’re probably texting multiple people at once. The thing with this is that that thrill and that chase always burn out.”
Padron claimed that a man who has a “purpose in life” doesn’t have that much time to give a partner at the very beginning of a relationship. She encouraged other women to “go for the slow burn and not the guy who is going to be obsessed with you in the very beginning.”
“I promise you he is probably love bombing you,” she said.
Photo: G-Stock Studio / Shutterstock
Other dating experts have echoed Gabby’s findings.
Sabrina Zohar, a fellow dating expert on TikTok, advised people to refrain from texting constantly at the beginning of a relationship without a proper reason.
"Part of dating with intention is interacting with intention, texting with intention; all of the above," she shared in a TikTok video. "If you don't have something of depth to offer to a conversation or something to start a conversation with that makes sense, then please stop using texting as a means of trying to control the situation."
Constant communication, especially if it's one-sided or excessive, should always be viewed as a red flag.
Not only is it overwhelming and controlling, but it also deprives both partners of personal space and time to engage in other activities, nurture other relationships, or simply have downtime for themselves.
In the early stages of dating, it is best to take things slow. Don’t worry about getting to know everything about each other right away. Meaningful relationships can take some time to develop, and that’s okay!
Save the constant stream of conversations for when you’re face to face with your partner and can really get to know them — not just through emotionless text bubbles.
Megan Quinn is a writer at YourTango who covers entertainment and news, self, love, and relationships.