9 Daily Habits Of Couples Who Stay Happily Married For Life
Happiness is a daily commitment, after all.
PeopleImages.Com - Yuri A / Shutterstock The divorce rate for couples over 50 has doubled in the last 20 years, despite relatively good news recently regarding the rate of divorce in the U.S. That's big news for any married couple, regardless of age, mostly due to the reason these folks are divorcing.
It turns out they are looking for greater happiness. This makes sense, considering they expect to live longer. Why not spend that time being happier?
Who are these over-50 individuals who insist on being happier, and why do they expect their partners to give more than before? These couples are all of us (or will be very soon). So let’s consider how we can prevent this dissatisfaction from leading to unhappiness or divorce.
Here are 9 habits of couples who stay happily married for life
1. Cheerlead your shared vision, mission, and goals
In your early years together, at your romantic best, there is an energy and synergy that defies reason. This ends and, to avoid wrangling, you must find common ground on serious issues like career, religion, parenting, money, and household duties.
The good thing is that these conversations about the present and future tell your significant other what you want, let them voice concerns, and allow you to share priorities. It's an important step in moving from “I” to “we,” and is necessary for your individual and mutual happiness.
These conversations may be yearly or when some part of your personal goal, mission, and vision changes. They could happen when you feel uncertain that you are on the same page.
The point is that a shared vision keeps your daily conversations rich and aligned as you navigate life to accomplish your big goals — both together and separately.
2. Keep the focus on gratitude
However positive and appreciative you are, you can wilt and from time to time catch yourself perseverating on your partner's faults. If all you can see are the crumbs on the counter and the unmade bed, instead of the fresh load of laundry and a home cooked meal, you can be sure they are reading your criticism and disapproval like a book.
The sad truth is that most of us are wired to be negative and, after the honeymoon phase, we ruminate on the one bad thing our significant other does or have trouble getting over small disappointments. That's where a gratitude focus exercise can help.
When you notice that you are disgruntled and are bringing that negativity into the relationship, tuck a note in your pocket and routinely list your partner's strengths, contributions, and accomplishments. Share these with both yourself and them as often as possible.
3. Start a morning routine
Besides a significant other who compliments you or gives you a good morning kiss on the head, it's nice to awaken to the sweet sound of, “Hi beautiful, you are everything to me.” Whether sung in deep baritone or contralto, the words will put a pep in your step and stay with you all day long.
Photo: cottonbro studio / Pexels
Perhaps it's a three-minute cuddle and a whisper of, “I am so glad we’re together.” But you can make a difference in their happiness and yours with the “just right” morning words.
Maybe you feel like a princess when your husband brings you coffee in bed, or he feels like a prince when you steam and press his suit for a big presentation at work. Choose what you do and give more than you get. Form a morning habit that makes them smile all day long.
4. Reconnect at the end of each day
Connection is the life-blood of a vibrant relationship. Sure, you can survive periods of crossing like ships in the night, and seasons where you are drained and have no energy for each other. But this is survival and not happiness.
So many couples live in this rut for too long and suffer the consequences of a relationship running aground. But connecting at the end of the day is one of the strongest habits of couples who stay happily married for life.
Just as you warmed your hearts in the morning, follow up with kindness and attention in the evening. If possible, greet your partner at the door, with a kiss or warm hug, help with the groceries, or take their coat.
Later, set aside a minimum of 20 minutes with eyes and ears on each other. This is where you hear the details of their day. You ask questions and take turns listening to what one another has to say. Attention is the food and water of a relationship, but it's least likely to get the time it needs.
5. Hug and hold one another
Busy as you are, there's too little time for cuddling, reading to each other, or doing the activities that brought you together in the first place. There are even fewer opportunities to explore your dreams and longings, and enjoy aimless meandering and meaningful touch.
But it's the togetherness, goofy play, gazing, and bonding that lead you to be open, and like the authentic self that your significant other fell in love with.
With children to tuck in and a few more hours on your laptop, your life has changed. Your significant other won’t whine, complain, or demand, but the relationship does, and your distance today is a leaky roof that eventually caves in.
To remedy this, make time for intimate physical touch. Touch their hand, kiss their neck, and look into their eyes, hugging and holding them. It's essential for couples who spend forever together.
The perfect exercise involves sitting comfortably, embracing, and being as close as possible. Then, rest your head on your partner's neck or shoulder, and say how you feel.
6. Walk side by side
There's something magical about walking with no distractions but the occasional chirp, falling leaf, or the crunch of your shoes. There's no phones or televisions to distract you, and you're fully immersed in the moment.
Snow or sunshine, there's no better activity for honest conversations and intimate closeness than taking a walk side by side. Aside from being able to focus entirely on one another, it's a great opportunity to really say what's on your mind.
Photo: Arina Krasnikova / Pexels
7. Play together and stay together
In a survey of 7,600 United Kingdom adults, 66% said that working out together improved their relationship for different reasons.
Some couples said they felt healthier, more positive, and found each other more attractive, while others described activity together as quality time that they might have invested with a stranger.
Whether it's in a gym, going on a hike, or having an adventure somewhere you've never been, couples who play together produce tons more fun and laughter. And, in the process, build positive memories of their significant other.
So, make it a daily habit you and your partner do together. It could even be taking out that old board game from the closet and having a little friendly competition.
8. Don’t take your anger to bed
You're most likely to hear this from an old aunt or your mother-in-law, but it's true. Studies have reinforced this timeless advice in an observation that during sleep, the brain reorganizes issues, making it harder to reverse negativity.
Anger is exhausting, and if you can solve an issue and forgive before bedtime, you're likely to sleep better and start fresh the next day. Perhaps you won’t resolve every problem before you turn in for the night, but a simple agreement to let it go for now places guardrails on your relationship.
9. Just decide to journey together
It’s easy to give into the daily grind of work, the demands of kids, and the responsibilities of aging parents. Not to mention the struggle when real-world problems erupt. Job loss, disability, and disease bring prolonged stress and negativity, making your relationship suffer.
We are never prepared for the downswings of life and waste the upswings worried about future trouble. But going through everything together keeps you... well, together.
There will be ups and downs, problems that arise, and maybe even times where you want to quit. But one of the strongest habits of couples who stay happily married for life is experiencing those ebbs and flows together, without giving up.
You have a calling — a reason for being together that overrides distress and disappointment. And when you make that happiness in your relationship a priority, you'll be together for many more years to come.
Reta Walker is a relationship therapist with over 25 years of experience, specializing in helping couples get back on track.