Couples Therapist And His Wife Share Their Secret For Easier, More Fulfilling Relationships

“There’s nothing more difficult on the planet than another person,” says world-renowned couple therapist and author, Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT.

That’s why relationships — because they involve two (or more!) people — are inherently complex and sometimes difficult. But Stan and his wife, Tracey Boldemann-Tatkin, PhD, seem to have cracked the code on making relationships not only easier but more fulfilling for partners.

Having a shared vision and purpose for the relationship is essential, Stan says.

Meet the Experts: Stan and Tracey Tatkin

Stan and Tracey Tatkin have helped countless couples create that shared purpose in their online workshops, Wired for Love, based on Stan’s bestselling books by the same name.

Stan and Tracey Tatkin Stan and Tracey Tatkin

Their approach combines science-backed insights with practical strategies to help couples have greater understanding, better communication, and stronger connection.

With years of experience and a profound understanding of relationship dynamics, Stan and Tracey aim to empower couples to build secure-functioning relationships. Here’s a glimpse into their unique approach.

What is secure functioning?

“Secure functioning is based on sensitivity, fairness, trust, and mutual respect,” Stan explains. “It means that you and your partner protect each other from the outside world ... and from each other. Secure-functioning partners have a shared vision for their relationship, a set of principles they live by, and agreements to hold them each accountable.”

In the Wired for Love workshops, Stan and Tracey help couples create their own brand of secure functioning while providing a living example of it themselves.

Through each session, their genuine connection and teamwork creates a relatable and effective learning environment.

Stan and Tracey also share what they call drive-by affection, or quick and easy ways throughout the day to show love and gratitude to a partner. It could be a 30-second shoulder rub, a text message saying “I love you,” or even a meme one partner thinks another would find funny. Stan emphasizes the importance of these small gestures for maintaining secure functioning and improving the quality of a relationship.

husband rubbing wife's shoulder while they have coffee Miljan Zivkovic / Shutterstock

What inspired you to create the Wired for Love online workshop?

Stan says, “I began with a deep curiosity about the science of attachment. Many couples struggle with communication and intimacy, often without understanding why. We wanted to bridge the gap between scientific research and practical application, so couples could apply
proven strategies to improve their own relationships.”

“For me,” Tracey says, “it’s always been about empowering couples with the tools they need to thrive together and create greater intimacy. I see firsthand how small changes can make a big difference, and I want to share those insights in a way that’s accessible and actionable.”

What makes the Wired for Love workshop different?

The Wired for Love workshop combines neuroscience, attachment theory, and the biology of human arousal. “We don’t just provide tips and tricks; we delve into the underlying brain processes that affect how partners interact with each other,” Stan explains. By understanding these mechanisms, couples can understand why they do what they do and make more meaningful changes.

Another focus is personalized strategies. “We guide participants to identify how they want to define their unique relationship,” Tracey adds. This tailored approach helps partners apply the principles directly to their own relationship and figure out how to craft the relationship they both want.

What can partners expect to take away from the Wired for Love workshop?

“Participants will leave with a better understanding of how to apply scientific principles to improve their communication, resolve conflicts more quickly, and deepen their emotional bond,” Stan says. “We want to help them move forward with a shared purpose and principles they can
rely on.”

In each session of the workshop, couples have the chance to practice new communication and conflict resolution skills in a safe, supportive environment. Stan and Tracey provide exercises and activities that reinforce learning and allow couples to apply what they’ve learned in real
time.

Tracey also notes how participants often build lasting connections. “Often, the groups coalesce and they start talking to each other online and even in person. There’s a lot of camaraderie, and they really become a support system for each other.”