10 Core Things Men Want In A Wife Above All Else, According To Psychology
The qualities that make a woman marriage material.
Phoenixns | Canva I’d be lying if I said that guys don’t care about looks. They do, and they care about them way more than they should. However, that’s not all they care about. Some of the most beautiful women I’ve ever seen are single because they can’t keep guys interested.
In recent days, I’ve talked to guys who have said that they’ve been in love with girls who aren’t their “type” but attracted them nonetheless. The truth is that, if you meet a man who isn’t shallow, you can overcome quite a lot of physical differences with the right personality. There are core qualities men look for in a wife that are often overlooked or dismissed — but shouldn't be.
Here are the core things men want in a wife above all else:
1. Intelligence
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Contrary to popular belief, men do not like dumb women. Actually, from what my friend Carl told me, they’re actually pretty sick of them. Showing that you're intelligent without being pretentious will make many men gain interest in you — fairly quickly, too.
When they feel psychologically distant, men may be more attracted to women who are more intelligent than them. Conversely, when they feel psychologically close, they may be less attracted to women who outperform them.
Researchers from a 2015 study found that with psychologically distant targets, men were more attracted to women who displayed more intelligence than they had. By comparison, with targets who were psychologically near, men were less attracted to women who were more intelligent than they were.
2. Kindness
Many, many men have told me how much they bemoan the lack of genuinely kind, altruistic women out in the dating market. If you don’t think that true kindness makes men gain interest, you’re mistaken.
3. Honesty
Studies have shown that honesty remains a constant trait that men seek out in a partner, regardless of age. After all, what kind of person would want to date someone they really can’t trust at all?
Men are attracted to honest women because honesty signifies trustworthiness, reliability, and a strong moral character. These are highly valued traits in a potential partner and create a foundation for a healthy and stable relationship based on mutual respect and openness.
A 2024 study published in the Journal of Economic Behavior & Organization found this is often linked to the halo effect, where positive qualities like honesty can influence perceptions of other desirable traits.
4. Passion
When I asked my friend Dante about the things men like about women other than looks, he said something rather interesting.
He said that most men want to see passion — and not just in the bedroom. Dante said that most men are very attracted to women who have passions outside of intimacy, getting married, and having kids. So, showing passion for things like your job or hobbies can improve your chances of making things happen.
5. Humor
While I’ve heard a lot of men claim that they hate women with a sense of humor, my friend Tre said that it’s quite the opposite. Tre explained, “Most guys love a woman who laughs at their jokes and can also dish out a good one, too. The men who say they hate that? Well, it’s often a sign of ego problems.”
6. Friendliness
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There’s something to be said about a person who is friendly and outgoing. They’re fun to be around, and no matter what age you are, that’s going to be attractive.
7. Optimism
As I’ve pointed out in many articles, nobody likes Debbie Downer. Even other negative thinkers can’t stand to be around people who are always complaining, upset, or otherwise melancholy. It’s depressing, and could even potentially harm your luck as well.
Optimistic people are considered attractive because their positive outlook on life tends to make them appear more likable, approachable, and socially desirable. A 2019 study found this outlook creates a positive ripple effect in interactions with others, making them enjoyable to be around. Their positive energy and belief in good outcomes can be infectious, making them appealing to potential partners or friends.
8. A calm demeanor
From what I’ve gleaned from my guy friends, most girls are fairly anxious, and to a point, scared of actually being themselves. Guys can’t stand this and it’s scarily common according to my friend Jacko. A mellow demeanor with a level head will get you far in the dating scene, and might actually be what pushes guys to pop the question.
9. Warmth
When a guy talks about girls being nice, they often don’t mean manners. What they usually want, as Dante explained, is warmth — as in, that loving, caring vibe you get from a mother who’s doting on you.
(Yes, as big and manly as men are, they do want to be doted on.) Warmth goes a long way with the right guy and may =be one of the reasons that he falls for you in the first place.
Warmth is attractive because it signifies positive social intentions, such as friendliness, trustworthiness, and caring. A study published in Social Neuroscience concluded these are essential for building healthy relationships, making people feel safe and comfortable around them, and ultimately promoting a sense of connection and belonging.
10. Uniqueness
My friend Carl was also pretty quick to point out that most guys don’t want a girl who’s cookie-cutter in personality, style, and looks. Quirks are what make you who you are, and the right guy will love you for them.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, Newtheory Magazine, and others.