7 Common Traits Of People Who Tend To Be Single Forever, According To Psychology
Why some people can't find lasting love.
nimis69 | Canva These are just some general themes and habits I've observed through the years that are common to people who never seem to find their forever love. None of these habits make them bad people; in fact, many are great people, but perhaps they just don't realize how they are getting in their own way.
Here are 7 common traits of people who tend to be single forever, according to psychology:
1. They're uninteresting
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Most people meet because they share a common interest, like running, traveling, rock climbing, playing soccer, etc. But even when they don’t have common interests, people are drawn to people who have a passion for something.
People who don’t have a passion for anything are uninteresting, and uninteresting people are less likely to be married. People who have a passion for something are also happier, according to research from The Psychology Of Well-Being.
2. They’re delusional
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These are the people who declare they are only looking for six-foot Brazilian supermodels who are MENSA members, speak five languages, and love spending Friday nights watching old reruns. They use the old “I have high standards” excuse to justify when they can’t find a suitable mate, but there’s some sort of psychological blockage that doesn’t allow them to fall for anyone, although they insist they’re genuinely looking.
They project the blame on their "standards" instead of looking inward into what they want. It's important to have a set of standards when dating, and research from 2017 agrees, but the standards can't be unattainable.
3. They do whatever it takes to be loved
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People like this do get married, but they don’t stay happy for very long. They act like SuperGirlfriend/Boyfriends/Husband/Wives because they think that’s how to become loved.
But then they become exhausted when their partner starts taking them for granted or taking advantage of them. As a result, their efforts feel unappreciated, and then they get bitter and cheat…or leave.
Feeling appreciated in a relationship can help it grow, research from 2023 confirms, and without it, a relationship can break. Do unto others as you would have them do to you…but don’t expect them to just because you did.
4. They become chameleons
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You know the type. That guy becomes vegan when he dates the hot PETA activist. The girl gets a tattoo because her new boyfriend is covered in them.
This sounds cliché, but lots of people seem to think this is a normal code of behavior when trying to attract a mate. Chameleons go through relationships like underwear, but they never get married. Being your authentic self gives you the best chance at finding love, studies from 2019 confirm.
5. They can’t form their own opinions
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Will my mom like him? Will he get along with my dad? Will my sister think it’s weird that he still lives with roommates? Will my friends think she’s cool? She’s a cat person, will my dog like her?
All of the opinions can confuse them to the point that they can’t even tell their own opinions from everyone else’s. It’s tough to find someone to marry who is going to suit the requirements of 20 people/animals.
6. They don’t like to face reality
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Not the same as delusional, more like selective reality. Ever have a friend who dated a terrible guy, but got belligerently angry when you so much as hinted at any flaw in his behavior?
“He’s not controlling, he’s just very particular about what he wants me to eat. Maybe your boyfriend should care as much about what you’re putting into your body. Hmph!” Having a controlling partner can be a sign of a seriously toxic relationship, research from a National Family Health survey found.
Good friends will stage an intervention before they make it down the aisle, or, unfortunately, something so bad happens that they are finally forced to face the harsh reality.
7. They don’t think they deserve better
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How can one find someone worthy of being their lifelong partner if they don’t think they deserve it? You deserve the best. Because you’re good enough, you’re smart enough, and doggone it, people like you. You have to believe you deserve love to find the love you need, data from PsychTest's 2018 Self-Esteem Test confirms.
Melanie Höglind is a freelance writer, author, and contributor to the Huffington Post, BlogHer, and more.