The Common Behavior That Will You Find You Immediate Love, According To Research
Settling actually gives you an evolutionary advantage in finding Mr. Right.
bai1ran | Anna_Om | Getty Images / Sergey Nivens | Canva We already know that dating isn't easy and trying to find "the one" is truly difficult, but now research has pretty much confirmed that it's time to give up on finding the man of your dreams.
According to research from 2015, Mr. Right Now is better than Mr. Right. Besides. And let's be honest: It was a little silly of you to sit around waiting for Ryan Gosling to leave Eva, don't you think?
While trying to shake Ryan Gosling from your brain as Mr. Perfect may be as difficult as giving up Netflix and sweatpants this time of year, evolutionary scientists have found that our species, for as long as we've existed, has been contingent upon us going for the mate that's easier to get and is available in the present.
It's the risk aversion that humans inherently have that has us settling for the now, as opposed to waiting, that has kept the species alive. We know, subconsciously, that to not settle would mean jeopardizing being alone. Forever. And who wants that?
"Settling early for the sure bet gives you an evolutionary advantage," explains Professor Chris Adami, of Michigan State University. And the smaller the community in which people live, the more likely they are to be adverse to risk because partnering up and having children is just our evolutionary purpose.
However, the study also found that aversion to risk isn't a guarantee in individuals just because of the community size. In fact, there are those who will willingly wait for what they have decided is the best possible mate instead of falling down the rabbit hole of mediocrity like so many others. For them, the thought of being alone and without offspring isn’t as scary an idea as it would be for someone else.
This study isn't giving you the a-OK to settle and waste your time (and the time of someone else) simply because you don't want to end up alone.
What it is saying, however, is that, for some, settling is just an inevitable part of their dynamic. They'd rather not rock the boat and would prefer to take the easy way out and end up with the person who's least likely to pose a risk to their lives through their own risky behavior.
Sometimes survival of the fittest means signing up for the Mr. Right Now, instead of Mr. Right, and that's not a bad thing. If we make a choice and can live with it, even if it's one that might seem like we've settled, then that's all that matters.
Amanda Chatel is an essayist and intimacy health writer for Yourtango, Shape Magazine, Hello Giggles, Glamour, and Harper's Bazaar.