10 Charming Signs Your Man Is A Keeper, According To Psychology
Qualities that show your guy really is the right one for you.
Dean Drobot | Canva When analyzing male behavior, we've become experts on the signals that point toward Mr. Wrong, after sorting through thousands of dating horror stories. But on the other side of every relationship warning sign is its opposite: an indicator a man is keeper material.
Here are 10 charming signs your man is a keeper, according to psychology:
1. He’s willing to put you first
When a man is truly committed to you and your relationship is heading for the long-term, he will make you an integral part of his daily life, as well as a top priority. A review of central concepts on relationship commitment in the Journal of Family Theory & Review demonstrates how a keeper will continually affirm he loves you and is devoted to your relationship, verbally and through his actions.
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2. He’s there for you in a crisis
A keeper will be by your side when the going gets tough. A report in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships helps explain that by showing he supports you in a time of real need, his actions assure you he’ll be there to hold your hand during the birth of your child, the deaths of your parents, and any other high-stress or grief-ridden situations you’re sure to face.
3. He appreciates your quirks
A good man will fall in love with you because he cherishes your gifts and is willing to overlook your flaws. But a keeper will even find your quirkier qualities — religious reading of your and his horoscopes or habit of eating peanut butter straight from the jar with the spoon — not just tolerable but endearing.
4. He shows you how much he cares
The most important element of any relationship is how the man you’re choosing to spend your time with treats you, as shown in a study on relationship closeness and quality in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships.
We’re not necessarily talking about bestowing upon you bouquets of red roses (though that’s always nice) but by showing you he cares about your well-being too — things like checking your tires because he thinks they look a little low or sending you an e-mail to wish you luck on your presentation at work.
5. He’s kind
Since we were kids, we’ve been told that actions speak louder than words. This is never truer than in how your man conducts himself toward you and others. A keeper is an all-around nice person. He’s respectful to his parents (and yours), polite to customer service workers, and gentle toward animals. And he acts kindly even when he thinks no one else is looking — a true sign of good character.
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6. He’s consistent
Along the same lines as the previous sign, a keeper is reliable — a man you can truly depend on, as explored in a paper from The Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. While people change throughout our lives, a man you’d want to have around for the long term isn’t wishy-washy. His word should be "stronger than oak", as the phrase goes, and his loving conduct toward you should be just as steady.
7. He wants to build a life with you
When one person in a relationship wants to get married and the other doesn’t, you have a fundamental difference on your hands that needs to be addressed. An examination of commitment in the Journal of Family Theory & Review discusses how a keeper shares similar life goals as you do and he’ll readily work with you to make sure his plans and your plans for the future can mesh.
8. He can handle your emotions
We think it’s safe to say women have been socialized to express feelings more than men. And said men need to know how to deal with feelings to be considered long-term partners. A keeper will never attack you for being overly emotional by accusing you of being "just like your mother" or, our personal favorite, calling you "crazy."
9. He fights fair
How a man handles conflict shows as much about his character as how he acts during the good times, which is evidenced in an article from Current Issues in Personality Psychology. A keeper will express his feelings, ask for what he wants, and receive constructive criticism — without screaming, whining, or pouting. He will also be capable of listening to what’s on your mind without interjecting to correct or blame you.
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10. He’s a grown-up
On the road from child to adult, some guys stall out three-quarters of the way, never becoming self-sufficient. An immature man who refuses to adjust to the norms and values of society doesn’t see youth as a stage but rather a refuge from responsibility. A keeper, on the other hand, is not just competent but confident in successfully managing his own life.
Natasha Burton, Meagan McCrary, and Julie Fishman are writers, relationship experts, and creators of The Little Black Book of Big Red Flags. The authors specialize in analyzing dating and relationship red flags and helping women learn to listen to, and follow, their intuitions.