3 Ways To Build A Financially Rich Life Together — That Have Nothing To Do With Budgeting
Saving your marriage is more important than saving more money.
Nikolina | Canva You try to do all the right things to have a happy marriage but just can’t seem to win. But if some of those “right things" are budgeting, saving money, and cutting costs so much you've wrung every ounce of fun out of your life, you won’t win.
Now, we’re not suggesting you pay zero attention to financial plans for the future, but you can’t let saving money or making more money be your ultimate goal. After all, money doesn't equal happiness — ask any Hollywood husband and wife who are now exes. They had plenty of money and cash reserves, but millions of dollars couldn’t save their relationship. These financial goals, however, might.
Three ways to build a financially rich life together — without strict budgeting
1. Dream together — then put those dreams in action
Act like kids. Lay on a blanket under the stars if it helps, but dream! Remember when you were dating or getting ready to walk down that aisle? You were invincible. You had dreams!
Begin again. Talk about what you’d like to do together in the future. Fun things, serious things, dreams that involve the kids, and dreams that don’t. Dream dreams that involve experiences — not things.
fizkes via Shutterstock
Psychologists Gilovich and Kumar published their findings, after studying the correlation between money and happiness for two decades, which showed that "experiential purchases (such as vacations, concerts, and meals out) tend to bring more lasting happiness than material purchases.”
The study reported that over time, people’s satisfaction with the things they purchased decreased; whereas their satisfaction with experiences they paid for went up. When you share an experience with someone, it bonds you to them and becomes a part of you. You are your memories and experiences.
Start now to plan for an “experience” you can share this year, or better yet, this month. It doesn’t have to be expensive. Something as simple as renting bikes downtown or going out for karaoke night is a great way to start. Just find something you two can share.
2. Open up with each other about money goals and opinions
The American Journal of Family Therapy agrees that couples are more likely to talk about intimacy than they are money. Be a curve-breaker and reverse that trend at your house by getting honest about dollars and cents. Spend some time with a cup of coffee or a glass of wine and talk about:
- How do you feel about money? Nervous? Optimistic? Clueless?
- Did your parents fight about money?
- What is something you’d like to save for?
- Do you have any fun “new business” “side hustle” ideas floating around your brain?
- Do you think we have a good money plan? Do you think we plan too much?
Money — or lack of it — will greatly affect your future and will, over time, really affect your relationship. So invest some time now to talk about it.
Learning your different opinions and different money management styles helps to avoid misunderstandings, tension, and fights. Understanding and appreciating each other will make you much happier than just “living within your means.”
3. When you disagree about money, be nice
It may sound simple, but it usually isn’t. Arguments about money hurt us like very few other fights do. They feel intensely personal. We feel attacked and get defensive. So when — not if — you start to fight about money, stop. Take a deep breath and wait.
That doesn’t mean you never speak up. You have every right to advocate for your needs. But stopping will give you time to simmer down and think about what’s really behind your feelings: fear, worry, mistrust, and possibly a sense of disrespect.
Usually when voices start to rise and tempers get ready to flare, it’s not about the money itself. So when you disagree about money, try to be nice. Listen. Ask questions. And try your best to hear what they’re saying and how they feel — rather than only hearing dollars and cents.
Research from 20212 confirms it’s almost a guarantee that financial disagreements will start, but they don’t have to get ugly. Anticipate not always seeing eye-to-eye (remove the element of surprise), and work towards understanding instead of judging.
PeopleImages.com - Yuri A via Shutterstock
Not a day goes by without some type of money decision, so it’s important to be on the same page. And it’s important to put money to work for you. “Living within your means” is a great way to approach your finances, but it will not guarantee happiness.
What good is your savings if it causes you to stalk every purchase they make and for them to feel like they’re under the microscope? Trust each other, be trustworthy, and dream. Don’t let your only goal as a couple be as boring as “living within our means."
Live it up (within your means) and set your marriage up for financial success and happiness, too.
The Money Couple helps others achieve financial freedom while putting family first. They offer services and resources to bring couples closer together, not only in their marriages, but in their finances as well.