3 Boundaries Most Women Set Way Too Late While Dating
How to stop wasting your time on dates that will go nowhere.
Andrii Nekrasov | Canva Dating can be a fun adventure in which you learn more about yourself and others. But before you get too caught up, it's important to take a second to pause and figure out what matters most to you. If you don't know what matters, how can you tell if someone can meet your needs?
If you don't know where to start, relationship coach Sabrina Zohar discusses three of her non-negotiable boundaries regarding dating. These can help you build out your own boundaries, find the right person, and make dating much easier!
To stop wasting time while dating, set these 3 boundaries early:
1. They must be finished with their ex.
Let's be real: we don't have the patience or time to deal with people who are still hung up on their exes, and we don't need the whole "I still have unresolved issues" conversation.
This is why if you're going to date someone, make sure they've resolved their unresolved issues first.
Zohar says, "Put it to sleep, learn your lessons, process it, move on. It's time to make space for somebody new and stop holding on to people that didn't work out."
And if they can't let go and move on? Well, they shouldn't be dating in the first place.
2. They must have done personal work on themselves.
"Whether that person's in therapy, reading books, or doing some work on themselves, it is crucial that somebody is doing the work on themselves, and it is not just you," explains Zohar.
Let's be real: we all want partners who are on the same level as us and who want to self-improve and do better.
This is why having a partner who is on the same page as you is important. Because if they're not, you'll waste your time dating somebody you have little to nothing in common with.
You'll begin to realize that while you are advancing and growing as a person, your partner will always remain the same, making you feel frustrated and alone in your progress.
3. They don't argue when you say no or set a boundary.
The most obvious green flag is when you set a boundary, and somebody accepts it without a fuss.
For instance, let's say you're going on a date with somebody, and they ask to meet late at night. If you say, "Hey, no, thank you. I'd prefer to meet earlier," how they respond matters.
If they try to argue and demean you, congratulations—you've dodged a bullet. But if they respect your boundaries and are willing to work with you, congratulations—you now know they have basic decency and respect.
Finally, dating only seems to be getting harder and harder. After all, not only do you have to be on the lookout for glaring red flags, but we also have to make sure our potential partner is a great fit for us.
According to Pews Research Center, "Nearly half of U.S. adults (47%) say dating is harder today for most people compared with 10 years ago, while a third say it is about the same and 19% say it’s easier today." And guess what? For women, dating appears to be a lot harder.
So, don't feel bad if you're having difficulty finding a partner. And remember, be patient and give yourself grace. The right one will come along eventually.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, and family topics.