3 Biggest Mistakes That Ruin A Relationship Before It Even Gets Off The Ground, Says Relationship Coach Of 25 Years
How you sabbotage love before it even starts.
SHOTPRIME | Canva We all know finding a man you click with is not easy. Studies suggest that even the first ten minutes of meeting someone can heavily determine how things will progress in your relationship down the line, so with the pressure of these initial moments — whether you're Internet dating or just going to singles events — it can take a lot of false starts and disappointing dates before you find a man who captures your interest.
The fact that you go through so many unsatisfying dating experiences before you meet a man who rings your bell puts you at a definite disadvantage. It's like trudging through a hot desert and finally seeing an oasis ahead. Your natural reaction is to run towards water and drink your fill, but this can be a problem—you don't yet know if the water is real or just a mirage.
Here are the 3 mistakes people make that ruin a relationship before it even gets off the ground:
1. You need to make something happen
Because of your excitement about this new chance at love, you have difficulty letting things develop in their own time. Your need for assurance makes you start manipulating and pushing to make things happen. Examples: making up rules in your head for how much and when he should text or call you or planning your life around his schedule rather than your own.
2. You put him on a pedestal
I've seen this often: You go out with a man on three or four dates and feel you know everything about him. You get swept off your feet and decide he's a perfect match for you. You endow him with wonderful attributes, ignoring that only the test of time will reveal someone's true character. This is a dangerous practice and the leading cause of broken hearts.
3. You try too hard to make a good impression
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You think you're in love, which makes you more vulnerable. He's too good to be true, and you worry if you're enough for him. You put on a show of confidence to hide your insecurity. Before you know it, you've lost yourself as you start doing things to impress him and to make yourself look better.
According to a study by UC Davis, first impressions can significantly impact how people behave and feel towards potential romantic partners, and can even predict future romantic interest. So it makes sense why people care so much about these first impressions when it comes to new relationships, but giving a partner an inauthentic look at you can lead to problems down the line.
These three mistakes can be avoided if you develop a strong sense of your worth and healthy self-esteem. Self-esteem is the foundation of any successful relationship. Without it, you'll make bad choices and act in ways that aren't the real you. With self-esteem, you'll be able to allow for the natural unfolding of new love without losing yourself along the way.
Virginia Clark is a relationship coach with decades of experience, and the author of It's Never Too Late to Marry: How to Have the Man and the Marriage of Your Dreams.