21 Pieces Of Reddit Relationship Advice That Will Transform Your Love Life
Take it from strangers on the internet, there's a cheat-code for everything. At least, that's what the best relationship advice on Reddit says.
Getty We know it may sound odd, but the fact remains that Reddit relationship advice can be unexpectedly wise.
If you've ever been confused about anything — from how to resolve conflicts to how to split up the chores fairly — these relationship hacks have got you covered.
We curated the tips below from responses shared when one Redditor asked the folks on r/AskReddit this question: "What are some boyfriend/girlfriend/relationship hacks?"
Here are 21 of the best pieces of Reddit relationship advice to help you transform your love life.
1. Make sure to notice the little things, even if it takes a little planning.
"I know a guy who has a standing $10 tip with his wife's hairdresser. He gets a call each time his wife gets her haircut with a brief description of what was done. His wife walks in the door, and he says, 'Honey, did you get your hair done? It's a bit shorter and looks great!' Winners all around."
2. Creative conflict resolution is key.
"I have never been one for public displays of affection. My girlfriend (now wife) is big into PDA. She often complained that I never told her I loved her in public or shared a kiss or hug. I always held her hand and felt this was enough in public. She disagreed.
So, my solution was to discreetly show her my feelings by squeezing her hand twice, and she would reply by squeezing my hand three times. I explained to her that two-hand squeezes meant 'love you' and three squeezes meant 'love you too.' This quickly caught on; we have been doing this for eight years. She hasn't complained yet about the lack of PDA.
"As a bonus, when we married, my wife purchased my wedding ring with 'squeeze squeeze' engraved inside."
3. Get to know your partner's sweet spots.
"My girlfriend knows that if she kisses me on the back of the neck, I can't stay angry. She won't let me fall asleep if I'm angry or upset. Normally, I don't like to talk about my feelings. All she does is say my name softly and kiss the back of my neck, and I open right up after that.
I have little control; it makes me very comfortable. We've had great talks with me as the little spoon, and she talks into the back of my neck."
4. Make communication a priority.
"My fiancé gets upset with me if I work late and forget to text her. I often forget; she won't make the first move to text me. It was getting to be a huge deal. Then I discovered the Llama app for my Android phone.
I set up a script that fires if the time is after 6:40 (I usually leave work by 6:15), if I am still connected to the cell tower at work and if I can still see the WiFi network. This script sends a text that says, 'I'm going to be working late tonight,' and dings to let me know it sent.
"It's been working fantastic. I recently added a new one that fires if the time is after 5:00 PM, and I have just left the work cell tower area, which sends an 'I am on my way home' message. She has been super-pleased at how consistent I have been about letting her know what is going on, and the best part is that I don't even have to remember to do anything. Thanks, technology!"
5. Be gentle.
"My girlfriend always falls asleep watching TV on the computer. Usually, I hold the laptop while she lies on my chest. She always falls asleep first, leaving me with the tricky task of rolling her off me without waking her up.
Following some stupid suggestion I read in a magazine, I squeeze her gently, give her an audible kiss on the head, and then roll her over. I successfully repeated these exact steps every time she went to sleep.
After a year, I decided it was time to put my hard work to the test. She fell asleep on my chest as usual, but I only gave her a light kiss on the forehead this time. As if by magic, she immediately rolled over! Now, no matter what position she falls asleep, I can make her roll over by kissing."
6. Learn how to practice 'I' messaging properly.
"I have something I've taught a few friends that have always had great results. It could be considered a hack since it gives an easy framework for accurate, positive communication, which people love.
The trick is that you can't just say these words expecting reinforcement; rather, you mean what you say and hope it makes them happier. This comes with an easy fill-in-the-blank format: 'I like it when you do ____ because it makes me feel ____.'
For the first blank, choose something really simple that your S.O. does for you that never really gets noticed. This could be anything from doing your laundry to hugging you whenever they come home. The first is easy; however, the second is tricky. You need to identify an actual emotion that you experience towards the behavior.
For example, if the behavior is sending a goodnight text each night, a wrong emotion would be 'nice' (especially since this is not an emotion). A poor emotion would be 'happy' (this is vague and somewhat meaningless). A good emotion would be 'loved' (communicates a powerful effect).
So, let's try it with the sentence format: 'I like it when you send me a goodnight text every night because it makes me feel loved and cared for.'
When choosing the emotion, make sure it is something real you feel because they can tell if you're making stuff up. Some more powerful emotions include 'validated,' 'secure,' 'appreciated,' 'safe,' and 'sexy.' Sexy is a bit tricky, as is validated. Still, I would imagine that these might have the most powerful effect since many people have difficulty feeling sexy or validated as a person.
A little trick you could use with this is to pick an emotion (like validation) and find a behavior that reflects this: 'I like it when you respect my opinion because it makes me feel validated as a person.'"
7. Don't try to solve your partner's problems.
"When she tells you her problems, don't give her advice. Just listen."
8. Appreciate each other.
"Have a moment of gratitude with her every day, and let her know something about her that you appreciate."
9. Don't just listen — ask questions.
"Actually, better than just listening is asking questions. That way, you sound interested, she knows you're listening, and you can give advice by asking subtly leading questions that cause her to arrive personally at a good conclusion. I've recently begun to follow the 'ask questions instead of giving advice' philosophy, making interactions with my loved ones much smoother."
10. Be loving, even when you fight.
"My husband and I don't fight very often, but when we do, we decided we needed a sign to let the other person know that we still care and are still there for them. So, we will hold hands and take turns squeezing the other's hand.
It works very well for us. It lets us know that the arguing isn't about me vs. you; it's us vs. this issue. We know we are working towards a goal where everyone is happy, and we still love one another.
11. Do what you can to make each other happy.
"I listen to him when he talks, even if it's about something I find intolerably boring, and ask follow-up open-ended questions. This makes him happy and more likely to listen to what I want to talk about, which he probably finds boring.
I always meet him at the door with a beverage, hug, kiss, and smile. This puts him in a good mood, so he doesn't stress and ruin my night when he's had a bad day. We go for walks together every day if possible. Gives us both some exercise and fresh air and some time to bond.
When I'm angry, I excuse myself and go take a shower. It relaxes me, and I think more rationally about fighting fair or apologizing afterward. When I get out, one of us is usually sorry anyway.
Whenever he wants me to try something he enjoys, I give it a fair shot. He likes it when I take interest in his hobbies, some do not catch on because of my short attention span and my hobbies that take up a lot of my time, but if it makes him happy, I will give it a try most of the time."
12. Share the load.
"My BF and I have divided up the chores. We never have to do the chore that we each, respectively, hate. I never have to wash dishes, take out the trash cans, or scoop dog poop. He never has to do laundry, clean the bathrooms, or change the sheets.
It's very low-stress, and things around the house stay neat. In the instances that we both hate the same chore, we'll either do it together or take turns."
13. Do sweet things when there's no particular reason to.
"Don't buy flowers when you [mess] up. That's cliché. It's all right for anniversaries and birthdays, but the best time to buy your woman flowers is totally out of the blue. It's a thoughtful little gesture when it's random and doesn't cost you much."
14. Figure out the best sleep positions for both of you.
"I have a full-on awful sleep pattern and never sleep well, constantly tossing, turning, and kicking. My girlfriend found two ways around this.
The first is how she positions herself in my arms, which is quite secure and solid. Since she is less than 5' tall and weighs next to nothing, she usually comes with me when I turn over. She seems to sleep through it, and given I have a large bed, I am yet to throw her out of it. It is better than being kicked or rolled onto.
The second is when we crash into a bed that is far too small for the two of us. I lie on my back, and she lies on my front, stomach to stomach. She is so small compared to my height (probably around 6'2"), so she fits quite snugly using my torso as the mattress."
15. Consider using two separate blankets in the same bed.
"I emit a lot of body heat. This means I'm a great BHU (boyfriend heating unit) when necessary. Unfortunately, the other side of this coin is that my GF overheats if we share a single set of covers. I can't sleep if I'm too cold, and she can't sleep if she's too warm.
Solution: I have my blanket. I can regulate my temperature, and she can do whatever she likes with the covers. If she's cold, she can snuggle. If she's too warm, she can kick off the covers, and I won't freeze."
16. Tackle financial issues as a team.
"Split the bills evenly down the middle. Helps avoid resentment.
Reach an agreement about your money. Once the bills are paid and your regular everyday house items are purchased, your money is yours. Does he want a new video game? Let him have it. Do you want new clothes or that one thing you've been eyeing for weeks? Get it.
We get paid on the same pay period: the 5th and the 20th of every month. The 5th is rent and groceries; the 20th is the power bill, internet, and household items (TP, shampoo, body wash, dish soap, etc.). After that, We usually do a date night, dinner, and a movie.
17. Make sure you take time for yourselves as individuals.
"If you live together, enjoy your time apart. I like my days off when he works all day. Allows me to clean or do whatever I want at my own pace. Sometimes it's annoying to see the same person every day, especially if you live together. Then again, I'm just a person who enjoys my quiet time."
18. Focus on the behavior, not character, when arguing.
"When arguing, focus on behavior, not character. 'When you do X, it makes me feel Y' is something someone can do something about. 'You always X and you are a Y' is less constructive and more likely to elicit a defensive response."
19. Pay attention throughout the year to be a great gift giver.
"I pride myself on being a great gift-giver. I enjoy doing thoughtful things for someone else, but I only have the money to do it up big about 3 times a year.
Whenever I hear a boyfriend or a friend mention something they want, I make a note of it in my phone. When anniversaries or holidays come up, I pull up the list and see what's on sale!"
20. Keep a stash of handwritten, deeply personal love notes.
"I sometimes write, usually in large chunks. When I'm feeling inclined to do so, I'll write a huge batch of poems in an evening, stash them in my laptop somewhere, and dish them out to her one by one now and then.
We've been dating for two-and-a-half years, and I probably have about 100 or so I still haven't used. She is very pleased, and it usually brightens her day/diffuses angry situations when she receives a nice handwritten note. Even if I'm angry, there are nice words I've written when my head was in a better place."
21. Hug it out.
"This is my boyfriend's trick. Whenever I start getting irritated, or if we're fighting, he hugs me for 20 seconds. It never fails to put me in a better mood. He read it somewhere, something about 'happy hormones' being released. By god, does it work?"
Kristen Droesch is a writer, editor, and librarian who writes about love and relationships.