Don't Get Married Until You're On The Same Page About These 25 Make-Or-Break Issues
Marriage lasts a lifetime, so make sure you agree on the same things.
Andrey Zvyagint | Unsplash Everyone knows what they want to promise to do for their partners when they reach the altar, but no one thinks of what they don't want to do. It's often the things we don't want to do that end up wrecking a relationship later on.
It's possible to avoid a lot of heartbreak later, though. All you have to do is agree on these make-or-break issues before you decide to get married.
Don't get married until you're on the same page about these 25 make-or-break issues:
1. How you handle conflict
Stonewalling is one of the rare key indicators that a relationship cannot be saved. Don't get married if you can't talk about the major issues in your relationship.
2. How you view marriage
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Simply put, you can't see marriage as bad and have a healthy marriage. When you view your marriage as a burden, you have no business walking down the aisle to begin with.
3. How you solve problems
Passive-aggressive behavior is a quick way to build anger and resentment between two people. And that's not good for a healthy relationship. It's always better to confront problems head-on than let them rot and ferment into more significant issues.
4. How you communicate when you're upset
If you can't agree on this, you have a big problem. Relationships are built on communication and trust, not tearing one another down.
5. How you navigate bad behavior
If you can't agree with this, you will also have a bigger problem. Marriages are only good when they're healthy and happy ones. Otherwise, you can bet you'll soon be headed for a split.
According to a 2021 study, navigating lousy behavior in a marriage involves acknowledging the problem, setting boundaries, communicating openly, seeking individual or couples therapy, and prioritizing self-care. While addressing destructive behaviors is essential, try to understand your partner's perspective and practice forgiveness.
6. How you work through major life decisions
If you two are moving, you'll need to make sure you're always on the same page. Leaving a significant other in the dark about things like your career choices, your finances, or where you want to move is a huge betrayal of trust and a sign that you really don't care about your partner.
By making a vow to keep your partner in the loop, you're committing to a healthier relationship.
7. How you divide major life decisions that could affect one another
Marriage is a partnership. You have to act that way. You can't just make a decision willy-nilly without consulting your partner first. It quickly erodes trust to do this.
8. How you divide up household duties
Marriage is a give-and-take. Duties have to be parsed out evenly to keep things feeling like a partnership rather than a forced lifestyle.
9. How you'll handle disagreements
Strong-arming includes things like threatening to divorce them, telling them that they will have to move out, or emotionally blackmailing them into doing what you want them to do. It's not a good indicator that your relationship will last.
10. How you view external responsibilities
If you're getting married, your spouse is your new immediate family — not anyone else. That means you need to make them your top priority because that's what a good marriage does need.
While marriage often involves shared responsibilities, societal expectations, and individual circumstances can influence how those responsibilities are divided, potentially impacting marital satisfaction and well-being. According to a 2021 study, social interactions outside of the marriage can positively or negatively impact marital relationships, depending on how both partners manage and perceive them.
11. How you view mistakes
This is a big one. Why this is important should be obvious.
12. How you plan to maintain your relationship after you get married
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A healthy married couple will need date nights to keep that spark alive. Never stop dating one another after the wedding bells ring, or you may find yourself in a stale, boring marriage.
13. How you keep physical intimacy alive
One-fourth of all divorces happen at least partly due to bedroom issues. One out of every five married couples is in an intimacy-less marriage. Don't let this happen to you.
14. How you handle your in-laws
You should never marry into a family you dislike unless you're extraordinarily masochistic. When you marry someone, you marry their family, as they say.
15. How you choose a forever partner
You should never settle for your second option. Ever. If you both can't agree with this statement, you need to stop the wedding.
Choosing a forever partner involves identifying shared values, effective communication, mutual respect, and navigating challenges together while considering individual needs and growth. A 2022 study found that recognizing and appreciating each other's imperfections can help to create a more realistic and accepting relationship.
16. How you view secrets that could potentially impact the future of your relationship
You both need to be on the same page about a lot of painful topics, including debt, past infidelities, any children from past relationships, and so on. Otherwise, you might end up divorced later on.
17. How you view the importance of a wedding
Weddings are great, but you have to want the aftermath of a wedding, too. The whole point of a wedding is to celebrate your marriage, after all.
18. How you intend to maintain friendships outside of the marriage
A lot of married couples forget their friends exist. Don't be one of those couples for the sake of your marriage and having a life outside of your spouse!
19. How you intend to motivate each other
This is what marriage is all about. You both have to agree on this before you walk the aisle. Otherwise, you might be in for a nasty surprise.
20. How you maintain your individual boundaries
Boundaries are essential in every relationship, and you owe it to each other to keep your boundaries adequately maintained. Many marriages went to divorce court because someone wouldn't stop meddling between the two partners.
Addressing boundaries in marriage involves open communication, understanding individual needs, and establishing mutual respect and consent for healthy relationship dynamics. Researchers from the Gottman Institute found that boundaries should be established with mutual consent, ensuring both partners feel comfortable and respected.
21. How you communicate your needs
You really do need to make your intentions very clear. You both need to be into this because you love each other, not because you're lonely.
22. How you each view your own identity in the relationship
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You need to try to avoid losing the person you were in a relationship with. After all, that's who your spouse-to-be fell for.
23. How you view infidelity
Infidelity is a significant relationship killer. You both need to discuss its consequences and remain on the same page.
24. How you communicate when you feel neglected
In other words, marriage is a partnership. There are two of you. You need to think of your significant other, too. A one-sided marriage is a marriage that will end.
25. How you view longevity
Because a good marriage lasts forever.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer based out of Red Bank, New Jersey whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, New Theory Magazine, and others.