Don't Be With A Man Who Comes Back — Find A Man Who Never Leaves
There are two kinds of men: one of them leaves, one of them stays.
Aila Images / Shutterstock The difference between these two types of men have nothing to do with love, little to do with sex, and absolutely everything to do with dissatisfaction.
No matter what you do, some men are going to walk. You can be the best lay this side of the Mississippi, with textbook good looks, Dolly Parton breasts, and an intellect to match your cup size, and some guys will leave you.
It's just in their nature to be dissatisfied after a while. They need the shiny new girl instead. They get bored. The other kind of man stays.
This has nothing to do with love, little to do with sex, and absolutely everything to do with comfort. Some men are just programmed to stay.
You can refuse oral sex, refuse oral hygiene, and maintain the intellectual capacity of a carrot, and those men going to hang around.
They found something good in you, no matter how you appear to the outside world, and they're going to keep it. It's in their nature to stay comfortable, and leaving isn't comfortable.
They might want the shiny new girl, but it's easier to keep the old one instead. They might get bored, but they don't go away.
Neither of these categories have anything to do with you. You just picked the type of guy.
Some guys are always going to leave. They're roamers, rovers, and flirters. The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. And it sucks but someone's always prettier, smarter, more vivacious, or better in bed than you. Or at least he thinks she is.
So he'll go through the whole it's-not-you-it's-me, empty his dresser drawer, collect his toothbrush, and go sleep with the beach-blonde with perfect breasts.
This will go on for a while. You'll wail. You'll gnash your teeth. You'll pine and drink pinot noir and your girlfriends will tell you he's not worth it.
Then, after a while, he's grown bored with the beach-blonde. He's realized she has an unfortunate habit of starting sentences with the word “like,” and it's getting on his nerves. Plus, she has this yappy dog she carries in a purse, and he was always vehemently against purse dogs.
So he leaves his cut-rate Paris Hilton and suddenly begins to remember how good he had it with you. You were awesome. You were funny. You were good in the sack and did his laundry sometimes.
So back he crawls. He explains that he needed to get out and see the world, and that he sees the light. It's you he really loved. He's so sorry for what he put you through. Really, he is. He never, ever should have left a woman like you.
He's in love with you. He wants you to have his babies. Seriously. He's ready to be serious this time.
And you think about taking him back.
When you put it down on paper, it sounds like a really bad idea, doesn't it? Because in a few months, he's going to find another hot girl and disappear again, and you'll commence weeping into your wine.
Ditch him. Tell him no.
Instead, be with the guy who never leaves.
These are the steadier men.
There are two types. Some want to be with you because it's easy. Your relationship is easy. It's simpler to get with you, and stay with you, than it is to be single. This guy is about as hard to get rid of as a leech. You don't want him. He sucks, literally.
He sucks the life out of you and he sucks the life out of a relationship. But he never ends it, because that would take too much effort. Avoid him. You'll be stuck with him for years. He's all about comfort, not love.
Instead, find the other type. It took him a long time to get with you because he's serious about his relationships. He's in them for the long haul, and he doesn't play around.
When this kind of guy wants to be with you, he means it.
He likes your looks, your intellect, and even though he probably hasn't slept with you, he figures you'll be good in bed. He thinks you're kind. This type of guy brings you roses and worships the ground you walk on.
He wouldn't walk out on you for Paris Hilton because he's not looking at other women. He's looking at you, and you're all he ever wanted.
He's not perfect — no one is. But he's loyal, and he's good. He's comfortable in his relationship and he knows a good thing when he finds it.
You can have the type of guy who comes back, or you can have the type of guy who never leaves in the first place.
Don't be with someone who comes back. Be with someone who never leaves.
Alissa Scully is a freelance writer and stay-at-home mom of three kids and two German Shepherds.