10 Subtle Signs You're Too Comfortable With Your Partner, According To Psychology
Everyone leaves the honeymoon phase at some point.
bbernard | Shutterstock Comfort zones are tricky things. On the one hand, they’re comfortable — obviously. That’s why they’re called comfort zones. And who doesn’t want to be comfortable?
But on the other hand, staying in them for too long generally tends to have negative consequences. Self-help authors and therapists are constantly talking about pushing the boundaries of our comfort zones; only by making ourselves uncomfortable, they maintain, are we able to achieve personal growth. So are comfort zones good, or bad?
Here are 10 subtle signs you're too comfortable with your partner, according to psychology:
1. You make no effort to look nice anymore
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At the beginning of a relationship, the thought of being seen in your natural state (you know, hair tied and chillin' with no makeup on) is enough to send you straight into a panic attack. Eventually, though, you stop caring if your partner picks you up right from the gym while you're still sweaty or if you don't wake up in time to brush your teeth before giving him a morning kiss.
While it's great to be comfortable enough for all that (you can't keep up a pristine appearance forever), it's still nice to put in some effort when you're going out with him.
2. You talk to each other about your bathroom habits — while you’re actually using the bathroom
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If it gets to the point that you're talking about your bathroom habits through the bathroom door as you're going, well, you might want to rethink where your relationship is headed.
3. You have no shame in being sick and gross around them
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No one is healthy 100% of the time. Whether you're getting sick after a night of drinking too much or haven't showered in the four days you've been battling the flu, after the honeymoon stage is over, you don't mind if he stops by to bring you some soup.
4. Your leg hair is reaching record lengths and you don’t even care
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The best part about winter is not having to shave your legs because they're covered all the time. You should be able to do whatever you want with your leg hair, but if your partner has a preference for clean-shaven legs, you may want to take that into account.
5. You wear nothing but grotty old sweatpants any more
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Some days call for sweatpants and Netflix all day long — that's fine. But if you're both wearing the same stained pants for the fifth day in a row, you're definitely in the comfort zone — physically and emotionally.
One study investigated the link between spending time with a partner and levels of well-being. They found that being in a romantic relationship, partner interaction, and a greater investment of time into the relationship all predicted a higher level of well-being. Healthy pairings are those within which both partners enjoy the space to express their individuality, yet love and cherish their time together.
6. You pluck each other’s stray hairs
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In new relationships, the thought of having your significant other even see your pimples or stray hairs is outrageous. Eventually, though, they don't just become normal, but you end up taking care of them for each other.
Researchers say that the ing average relationship, the honeymoon phase ends after 11 months and 24 days. But does falling into the comfort zone mean it's time to end a relationship, or simply that you can finally be your true selves around each other without fear of driving each other away?
New York City marriage and family therapist Jane Greer says there’s a limit to how comfortable you should be with your partner.
“Ideally, you want to be able to push the margins and be completely comfortable and open with your partner so that you could potentially keep the bathroom door open, go without makeup, belch, etc., but if that’s a rule of thumb all the time, it can become a turnoff,” Greer told the Chicago Tribune.
7. Date nights are a thing of the past
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Going out on date night can get pretty expensive, and sometimes staying in for the night and getting pizza delivered sounds way more appealing than throwing on a dress and heels and heading out to a fancy restaurant.
However, it's been thoroughly documented that regular date nights are key to keeping a relationship alive, so make sure you go out on the town every once in a while.
8. You rarely have romantic conversations anymore
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New relationships are chock full of cutesy talk, but eventually, you get comfortable enough with each other that you can read each other's minds. Don't forget to remind each other how you feel.
Neuroscience research from Oxford shows that the brain regions associated with early-relationship passion can stay just as active 20 years later in a relationship. Passion doesn’t just die out. They have found that in a long-term relationship, it takes intention, energy, and work to keep the love alive.
9. You never check with your partner before making plans to hang out with friends
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In a healthy relationship, your partner doesn't care if you take time out from hanging with him to see your friends. However, it's respectful to at least give him a heads-up before you do it.
10. Your life together is essentially Netflix, minus the chill
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Every night together doesn't have to be extravagant, but make some effort for your relationship. In a relationship, comfort zones are even murkier.
Those first stages of a relationship, when you’re still in the honeymoon phase and careful about making the best possible impression on your sweetheart and would never think of showing up for a date without multiple mirror-checks beforehand, can be magical and stomach-flutteringly fun. But it’s nice to settle into a relaxed groove, too — to wake up together and walk the dog in yoga pants, complete with bedhead and a makeup-free face.
Elizabeth Laura Nelson is a writer who focuses on love, relationships, entertainment, and news. She has appeared in Medium, SheSaid, ThoughtCatalog, Elite Daily, and more.