Woman Wonders If It's Okay For Her Boyfriend To Go On An All-Girls Bachelorette Trip With His Female Friends
"He's admitted to having feelings for his friends in the past."
Goran13 / CanvaPro Having friends of different sexes and genders is completely normal, even for people in relationships. It’s human nature to connect with people and develop friendships, no matter what they identify as.
For many people, especially in straight cis-gender relationships, the age-old discussion surrounding opposite-gender friendships has been relatively controversial, especially when partners don’t set clear boundaries about what they’re comfortable with.
One woman recently posted on the AITA subreddit asking for advice after her boyfriend of two years told her he’d been invited to his female friend’s all-girl bachelorette party.
The woman admitted she was uncomfortable with her boyfriend going on an all-girls bachelorette trip with female friends whom he’s admitted to ‘having feelings for.’
“My boyfriend has a female best friend," she wrote. "She recently asked him to be in her wedding as the ‘man of honor.’”
She clarified that she has no problem with her boyfriend having female friends, as she, too, has a best friend of the opposite gender. In the past, nothing about his friendships ever made her super uncomfortable, but she did notice differences between his friendships and hers.
"I don’t text my male friend daily and talk to him all day. We check in on occasion, hang out on occasion and I typically always try to include my bf in the hangouts," she explained. "My boyfriend goes out to drinks with his female friend(s) and never invites me. "
Studies show that 64% of men and 44% of women reported that their opposite-gender friendships turned into romantic relationships, which is not surprising. Often, people make friends casually before committing to a relationship, but how does that influence people already in relationships?
“If you’re compelled to keep this friendship a secret for some reason, that’s a red flag that it’s wrong,” relationship expert Deborah Krevalin admitted. “It’s easy to gaslight… it doesn’t breed trust or love. Ask your partner to hang out with you and your friend. That might help them to see you in action and allay their fears.”
When she attempted to discuss her discomfort regarding her boyfriend spending a weekend away with “females and drinking,” she was met with animosity. “He brushes it off and acts like I’m overreacting. If I went on a bachelor trip with a bunch of guys for a weekend, I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t be cool with it.”
In an update, the woman revealed that her boyfriend was, in fact, cheating.
After the bachelorette party, which her boyfriend attended, the pair had a seemingly productive conversation.
"He actually made me feel really good about everything. Calmed my fears. Told me he actually got drunk and cried to all of the girls about how much he loved me," she wrote.
Photo: Just Life / Shutterstock
Unfortunately, this was far from the truth.
"I find out a day later that the bride’s fiancé showed up unannounced to the cabin," she revealed. "There was no bachelorette trip. It was literally just the two of them."
While she didn't know if the wedding was still on, she assured readers that her relationship was no longer there.
"Sounds like his life is currently imploding though, so I’m just gonna let karma keep sorting this out," she concluded, adding that in the midst of it all, he lost his job and will likely be moving in with his mother.
In this case, the woman's discomfort regarding her boyfriend's female friendship turned out to be completely justified. However, that doesn't mean all opposite-gender friendships are doomed. Ultimately, honest conversations, trust, and clear boundaries can allow friendships to thrive without impeding the relationship.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a news and entertainment writer at YourTango, focusing on pop culture analysis and human interest stories.