Woman Turns Down Boyfriend’s Marriage Proposal Because He Took ‘Too Long’ To Propose
"I'll always be the girl you took a decade to decide if I was wifey material."
pixelshot | Canva Pro After a man proposed to his girlfriend of a decade, he was completely stunned when she said "no."
He was even more flabbergasted by the fact that waiting too long to get engaged was the catalyst for her rejection.
However, some people believed that the woman’s reason was completely valid, and the cause of many failed relationships.
The woman turned down her boyfriend’s proposal since he took ‘too long’ to ask her to marry him.
The devastated man shared his story on the subreddit, r/offmychest. He wrote that he was “so excited” to finally propose to his girlfriend of ten years and was certain she’d say yes.
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“I proposed. I handed her the ring. She looked like she was going to cry. Then she said, ‘Sorry. I don't think we should get married,’” he wrote.
When the perplexed man asked why, she claimed it was due to how long it took him to finally get down on one knee.
"I'll always be the girl you took a decade to decide if I was wifey material. I don't know how to be happy with that reality,” the woman told her boyfriend.
Now, the devastated boyfriend is unsure how to proceed, given the woman he wants to spend his life with does not want the same.
However, others attempted to provide some clarity as to why the man’s girlfriend responded the way she did and why there was likely no going back to the way things once were.
Some people believe that once a relationship has gone for an extended period of time with no discussions about marriage or advancing to the next level, people often stop fighting to keep it alive. In fact, Kelly Campbell, Ph.D., an associate professor of psychology at California State University, thinks the magic amount of time for couples to be in a relationship before talking about marriage is around two years. In an interview with Shape, she explained, "When couples first fall in love, research shows they're in a state of euphoria that lasts from eight months up to two years," said Campbell. The two-year mark is when passion makes way for "companionable love," one that Campbell said is "not as obsessive." Basically, this is the time when a couple that is truly in love will start planning for the future, but a couple that has nothing beyond a physical, passionate relationship will most likely fizzle out.
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“It sounds like the 10-year thing is just one reason, but that she's been contemplating breaking up with you for a while and was maybe on her way out already. That really is far too long for someone to wait for commitment. Lesson learned, I guess,” another user suggested.
“‘Wifey material’ women, or whatever you want to call it, don’t want something or anything; they have to beg for. And when women stop fighting about something, and you guys think it’s all good, you couldn’t be farther from the truth,” another user wrote.
When women are in a relationship where they feel as if their partner is never going to commit to them, they often check out emotionally.
“Obviously, after ten years, she would’ve been giving you hints, she would’ve been asking, ‘When is this gonna happen? Do you even want to get married? Is there something wrong with me?’ And she was probably hanging on desperate to try to make it work because she had sacrificed so much time and years of her life as a young woman,” content creator Brett Cooper shared in a TikTok video in response to the man’s Reddit post.
Some couples may opt to wait a few years before settling down and getting married, and others decide after a few months they’re ready. You should respect your partner’s time above all else.
If you know that they want to get married and start a family sometime in the near future while you either don’t or still need time, make them aware of that.
They deserve to know if you are worth pursuing a future with or not and if your goals align.
“Do not drag her along for ten years if you’re not sure if you’re ready,” Cooper said. “Because the longer that relationship goes on, the harder it will be to walk away and the harder the breakup will be if it inevitably happens.”
“We can all move to new places, make new friends, make more money, and get a different job, but what we cannot do is get back our time and energy.”
Some people blamed the man’s girlfriend for failing to make her intentions clear and not leaving the relationship once she realized that her partner did not want to get married in the same timeframe that she did.
“He didn’t waste her time. She wasted her own time by staying,” one TikTok user commented.
“She could have proposed, just saying,” another user suggested.
Others argued that no one should be pressured into proposing before they’re ready just to please their partner, no matter how much they hint at it and ask them.
Dmytro Zinkevych | Shutterstock
Both the woman and the boyfriend are to blame for the failed engagement because neither spoke up about their feelings and desires for the future.
When it all comes down to it, proper communication is key. If you have envisioned specific things for your future, make your partner aware of them if you plan to include them.
If you want to get married in the near future, tell them that. If you would like to wait a few years and advance in your career before settling down, give them a heads-up.
And even if you have no plans to get married, make that known to your partner.
That way, they can determine whether or not continuing the relationship is worth their time.
"It's time to talk to your partner about marriage once you feel the relationship has reached a point of depth and stability," professional matchmaker and CEO of Bloom Matchmaking Paula Pardel exclusively told The Knot.
However, it is important to consider how long you and your partner have been together and if you really do see a future with them.
"It may be too soon to start future/marriage talk if you haven't been able to have open, honest communication about your wants and needs going forward," Pardel added.
"Is your partner emotionally mature? Do they communicate their feelings with you? Ask yourself, 'Why do I want a future with this person?' How does this person make you feel? How do you make them feel?"
Failing to have these discussions can damage a relationship beyond repair and even give your partner the impression that you do not take the relationship seriously.
Megan Quinn is a writer at YourTango who covers entertainment and news, self, love, and relationships.