Woman Asks For Advice After She Finds Her Husband 'Pressed Up Against Another Woman' During Their Vacation Together
Her husband's behavior is concerning.
Summer Stock / Pexels A 38-year-old woman wrote to the subreddit r/RelationshipAdvice, wondering what her next steps should be after finding her husband in a compromising situation.
The woman asked for advice after she saw her husband 'pressed up against another woman' during their vacation.
She explained that they were on vacation in a tropical location without their kids, “so we have been indulging more with drinking and partying than we would ever do regularly.”
After a visit to the swim-up bar, the woman had a little too much to drink, to the point that she had to leave the bar. “It has been so long, and I obviously didn’t know my limitations properly,” she shared.
Her husband took her back onto the beach and helped her sip some water. She noted, “I remember struggling to even swallow the water and then laying down on the beach chair.”
Photo : Andrea Piacquadio / Pexels
She woke up an hour later, but her husband was nowhere to be seen. She searched for him, and ended up finding him back in the pool bar, “pressed up against another woman.”
Her husband saw her notice him; she heard the other woman ask, “Is that your girlfriend?” She fled to the bathroom, feeling “embarrassed and hurt.”
Her husband gave her the 'typical response,' blaming the other woman for 'pushing up against' him.
“He said sorry, but it doesn’t feel like enough,” the woman shared. She asked for guidance on what to do from this point forward, saying, “I am lacking the ability to know what I need to hear or see to move on from this.”
“I already know I am done drinking and I wasn’t drinking responsibly,” she explained. “I already gave him the ‘lecture’ about how dumb he was, and how he probably should have been watching over me at the beach, because I was also dumb.”
The people who commented spoke to how big of a red flag it was that her husband left her alone in a foreign location when she was inebriated. Aside from the apparent infidelity, or at least the fact that he was less than honest, he disregarded her safety when she was profoundly vulnerable.
Photo: Ashford Marx / Pexels
“I don’t think you’ve considered how big of a betrayal of trust it was for your husband to leave you alone on that beach,” said one person. “You were unconscious, anything could have happened to you.”
“You should have been his priority in those moments and sadly, you weren’t. I’m sorry,” they continued.
They recommended having “a very firm conversation with him about boundaries — your boundaries, his boundaries, boundaries with other women, aka strangers… Ask him why he thought it was okay to leave you on that beach chair.”
Someone else noted that the wife seemed to be blaming herself for getting too drunk, instead of casting blame where it belonged: at her partner.
“You’re blaming yourself for drinking too much instead of your husband for taking advantage of you in your vulnerable state,” they said. “I have no advice except sorry that you’re going through this.”
“Only you know what you want,” someone else said. “Is this salvageable?”
They raise a valuable question, focusing on the issue of whether or not their relationship can heal from this particular wound.
Repair is possible in situations in which there’s a breaking of trust, but that repair has to come from a place of true remorse, which this husband didn't seem to express.
It appears that the wife wants a way to move past her hurt, yet doesn’t seem to feel emotionally safe or cared for with her husband, at this moment in time.
At the very least, they’re struggling with open communication. At worst, it’s something more insidious. Either way, seeking therapy as a tool to re-establish some semblance of trust is probably in their best interest.
Alexandra Blogier is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team. She covers social issues, pop culture analysis and all things to do with the entertainment industry.