Woman Fears She 'Ruined' Her Relationship By Telling Her Boyfriend He's Marriage Material — ‘Guys Tell Me It's Not A Compliment’
Is calling someone marriage material really an insult?
pixelshot | Canva Pro Some individuals may have taken a misunderstanding too far after a woman told her boyfriend he was marriage material, and he was offended by it.
While what she intended as a compliment may have been misconstrued, there’s nothing overtly insulting about calling your partner marriage material. Isn’t that what most of us look for in a relationship?
A woman fears she ‘ruined’ her relationship after calling her boyfriend marriage material.
In the r/trueoffmychest forum, the woman explained she and her boyfriend are both 28 years old and have been together for two and a half years. She explained that they had been drinking together the night before she made the post, and she opened up and shared how she felt about him.
“One thing led to another and I tried to compliment him by saying he is not someone who I would hook up or be a [friends with benefits] with but marry,” she wrote in her post. “I thought everything was fine but he seemed extremely distraught after that.”
She then realized he misunderstood her point, but after she tried to clarify it with him, he maintained his disappointment.
“He told me he needs space to think for a while and left the house,” she said. “All my friends tell me I messed it up, and guys tell me it’s not a compliment, and most men will understand it differently. I think I destroyed our relationship, and I am panicking right now.”
While telling your partner you essentially wouldn’t sleep with them is certainly not the best approach when complimenting them, the woman’s boyfriend should have understood her intention, having been together for over two years.
Evidently, she was not telling him she wasn’t attracted to him but that he met her standards and preferences enough for her to desire a long-term commitment to him. What’s wrong with that?
According to marriage.com, marriage or husband material is defined as "someone you’d consider good enough to spend the rest of your lives together." That sounds like a way better compliment than someone I want to have a one-night stand with.
Reddit users argued she was out of line with her ‘compliment,’ but X users claimed it was simply a miscommunication.
Reddit users sided with the woman’s boyfriend, relaying how most men usually interpret this kind of statement negatively.
“I completely understand what you were trying to say, but as all other commenters here have pointed out, what you've actually said is something along the lines of ‘I've hooked up with better people who are more my type before,’” a Reddit user commented on the post.
“The way OP said it will make her boyfriend believe that he was her safe beta male option after she got to discover herself with the 10/10 guys that she knows wouldn't commit to her,” another Reddit user argued. “That's one of the worst things you can say to a guy. A woman can see that as a good thing, but it would kill the ego of most men.”
However, individuals on X had different reactions to the Reddit post, reposted by an X user who goes by @hollowearthterf. Rather, many believed that the woman’s misleading compliment could have been reasonably clarified and understood in a healthy relationship.
“Many of you will never be happy if you can’t get past a simple misunderstanding; you’re simply not cut out for a relationship,” the creator of the X post argued.
Others argued that some men tend to purposely misunderstand their partners due to their own fears and insecurities surrounding women and relationships.
“I wonder if he was just making a mountain out of a molehill when he knows she didn’t mean anything ugly by it because she mentioned marriage and he’s ‘avoidant,’” another X user inferred.
Partners in a healthy long-term relationship should be able to move past a misunderstanding.
The fact that the woman in the Reddit post is now fearing the end of her relationship after a misunderstanding implies that she and her boyfriend are already experiencing communication conflict, only they aren’t able to move on from it. In mature and healthy long-term relationships, conflict is inevitable, but both partners find a way to understand each other and move on.
It’s understandable why the boyfriend would feel upset by her comment, but is a misunderstanding really worth a breakup?
It’s likely the woman felt she and her boyfriend were compatible in most aspects, intimacy included, and in a heartfelt moment of connection, she revealed to him that he was marriage material over any lustful connection. In other words, he checks all her boxes, and this is certainly a compliment as opposed to being someone she wouldn’t consider romantically past a "hook-up."
However, whether the boyfriend felt insecure by her statement or has flawed relationship priorities, he should focus on the bigger picture and use this as an opportunity for their relationship to grow.
Lust should not be what holds a relationship together — rather, genuine connection, compatibility, and open communication are what we should aim for.
In essence, it’s safe to say that it’s best to avoid this type of statement when discussing your feelings with your partner, as some men aren’t receptive to the intention of such a notion and will take it personally.
Francesca Duarte is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team based in Orlando, FL. She covers lifestyle, human-interest, adventure, and spirituality topics.