Woman Describes How Her Abusive Ex 'Baby Trapped' Her & What It Took To Finally Escape Him
Facing an unwanted pregnancy and recognizing the dangers of bringing a child into such a toxic environment, the woman made a difficult decision.
Antonio Guillem / Shutterstock A woman is opening up about the physical and emotionally abusive relationship she was in when she was just a teenager with a man more than 20 years her senior.
When she discovered that she was pregnant, the woman made a difficult decision to ensure that her ex would never again hurt her or their unborn baby.
The woman revealed that her abusive ex ‘baby trapped’ her just a few months into dating.
Baby trapping refers to a manipulative or deceptive behavior in which one partner intentionally gets pregnant or tries to get pregnant without the other partner's consent or against their wishes. This can involve actions such as sabotaging birth control methods, lying about contraceptive use, or pressuring someone into having unprotected sex with the intention of conceiving a child without their full knowledge or agreement.
In a candid post shared to the subreddit, TrueOffMyChest, one woman explained how her ex-boyfriend attempted to baby trap her when she was 18 years old.
The woman shared that she met her ex online and that he was 40 years old. “I was so emotionally detached and neglected as a child that his love felt real,” she wrote. “We started talking online and met up during my first semester of university.”
While the woman expressed that she wanted to take their relationship slow, her ex disregarded her request. “He kissed me on our first date, even though I only wanted to hug,” she wrote. “Things progressed faster, he began to touch my body, even though I didn't want him to touch me.”
Still, the woman said that she kept quiet to appease her ex.
Photo: fizkes / Shutterstock
“We had sex for the first time at his house, which he pressured me to go to,” she revealed. “I was nervous because things were moving faster.”
The woman claims that the first time that she and her ex had sex, he began “stealthing” her. Stealthing is the practice of removing one’s condom during sex without the knowledge and consent of one’s partner. It is regarded as sexual assault and is punishable by law.
After just two months of dating, she found out she was pregnant.
After two months of the woman’s ex stealthing her during sex, she learned that she was pregnant. Although she was terrified, her ex was ecstatic about the news.
He was so excited that he decided to propose to the woman right at that moment. “As I lay on his bed he pulled out his ex's engagement ring and put it on my finger, talking about how he wanted to start a family with me,” she wrote.
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The woman knew in her heart that marrying the man would be a bad decision. “This man was unemployed, and whenever he had employment, he was fired within three months,” she wrote.
Of course, her ex’s stealthing and proposal were only the beginning of his disparaging behavior toward her. “I was monitored all the time and that was when the abuse started. He yelled at me, threw things at me, drove in a way that made me feel physically unsafe, and employed DARVO,” the woman shared.
Knowing that the abuse would only worsen over time, the woman left her relationship.
Not having the means to care for a baby on her own, the woman had an abortion. “This wasn't a baby to me but a tool that my ex used to abuse me,” she admitted.
After the woman left, her ex began stalking her on social media. “He would send me threats telling me how he would hurt me because I hurt ‘his baby,’” she wrote.
Upon the advice of her therapist, she blocked him online and tried to move on.
Thankfully, the woman eventually found the man of her dreams.
“I'm now married to a guy twice the size of him [her ex] who is the most gentle of people and my biggest supporter,” the woman wrote. “We have three amazing kids and I love my family so much.”
Photo: vadimguzhva / Canva Pro
The woman has no regrets about her abortion and credits it to “saving her life.” Without it, she may have never fully escaped her situation.
Many people commended the woman for deciding to leave her ex no matter how difficult it may have been.
“I'm glad you were able to get away from that predator. Congratulations on realizing that you are worthy of love from healthy emotionally capable people, and not just abusers. Please stay safe and happy,” one Reddit user commented.
“I'm so happy for you that you have the loving support of a good partner and your amazing children! You are very brave, first for getting away from an evil toxic ex and second for telling us your story,” another user wrote. “I hope this inspires others in similar situations to leave and have a better life.”
The woman’s heartbreaking story is a reminder of the difficult life decisions many women in abusive situations face.
In situations where pregnancies are unwanted or unintended, abortion can prevent the birth of children who may face adverse circumstances, including poverty, neglect, abuse, or inadequate care.
Instead of “hurting” their unborn baby as the woman’s ex implied, she prevented a situation where suffering was likely inevitable.
People admired the woman’s vulnerability and strength, noting that abortion is an integral part of women’s healthcare.
Photo: fizkes / Shutterstock
“An important reminder about how abortions help women. Imagine if she was living in a place that did not legally allow abortions. Or in a state where her ex could report her for leaving to get an abortion and she could be charged with murder,” one Redditor pointed out. “Abortions are healthcare, but they provide so much more than that.”
A 2009 study published in the American Journal of Obstetrics and Gynecology revealed that those facing Intimate Partner Violence (IPV) found it more difficult to access contraceptives and birth control.
The study also discovered that partners unwilling to use birth control, partners who wanted conception, and subjects’ inability to afford contraception were all positively associated with reports of violence.
If a woman facing IPV ends up pregnant and cannot access a safe abortion, the consequences can be detrimental.
“In my clinical experience, [I've witnessed that] if someone can access an abortion, they're less likely to stay in an unhealthy relationship,” Rachel Wright, a licensed relationship therapist, told Shape. “Once a child is involved, people feel required to stay — even if there's IPV."
A child born into an abusive relationship may suffer at the hands of the perpetrator, and even become a pawn in the abuser’s plan.
"An abuser can exploit children in many ways," Alphonse Provinziano, family law attorney and founder of Provinziano & Associates in Los Angeles told Shape. "I have often seen abusive parents turn a child against the parent that is the victim of domestic violence.”
Photo: Suzanne Tucker / Shutterstock
“Additionally, abusers may lodge false accusations of abuse against the very people that they have abused, and if not properly defended against, I have seen cases where…the victim of domestic violence loses custody."
Although the decision is not an easy one to make and can be a heartbreaking one for many women, having an abortion when they find themselves in abusive situations can allow them to escape and access the resources they need.
The legislation against reproductive care for women sets a dangerous precedent.
This woman's circumstances, and the many women facing similar difficult decisions, highlight how detrimental legislation like the recent Alabama Court ruling that declared frozen embryos "extrauterine children" that are legally protected as any other live-born child, can be in cases of abuse.
Such rulings could directly impact abortion restrictions, especially in a state like Alabama, which has some of the strictest abortion laws in the country.
"This is exactly what we have been fearful of and worried about where it was heading," Barbara Collura, the CEO of RESOLVE: The National Infertility Association told USA Today. "We are extremely concerned that this is now going to happen in other states."
Access to abortion is a matter of human rights, including the rights to health, privacy, equality, and freedom from discrimination. Denying women access to abortion infringes upon their fundamental rights, and can increase the number of children being born into hostile situations.
While it may seem cruel to some people, it is a necessary part of healthcare and enables women to exercise control over their reproductive lives, make informed decisions about their bodies and futures, and live with dignity and autonomy.
If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence or the threat of domestic violence, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline for help at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233), or go to www.thehotline.org
Megan Quinn is a writer at YourTango who covers entertainment and news, self, love, and relationships.