Woman Catches Husband Sending Old Photos Of Her On Facebook, Writing That It’s ‘A Shame She Let Herself Go’
"He hasn't ever said anything to hint that he finds me unattractive."
nelen / Shutterstock In a society where people are constantly pressured by advertising and influencers to be skinny, fit and have a perfect and often unattainable body, bodyweight is something that many people struggle with. Add relationship weight and post-baby bodies and you have a recipe for insecurities and self-esteem issues.
For those in relationships, partners can help quell these insecurities, knowing that you have someone who will love you for you, no matter what you look like, but when it's your partner that points it out, it can be extra devastating.
A woman was "caught off guard" after learning her husband shared an old photo of her with a friend and joked that she let herself go.
On the subreddit “r/TrueOffMyChest,” one woman posted about her misfortune after discovering a conversation her husband had with a friend.
“Last Thursday I went through his Facebook, I shouldn't have and I'm stupid for doing so, I know, it was open on my laptop when he had left for work,” she wrote. “I was caught off guard by the picture of me in my 20s, read down, there [were] a few messages, then there's his saying how it's a shame she let herself go.”
Photo: Olena Yakobchuk / Shutterstock
While she admitted that “Reading and going through people's messages is always wrong, doesn't matter what your relationship is, its wrong,” debates about privacy aside, this can easily take a toll on someone’s self-esteem.
“Our relationship is good, I've always struggled with my weight, especially after kids,” she wrote, “he hasn't ever said anything to hint that he finds me unattractive apart from the aforementioned message.”
The woman added that she know she let herself go and that she was working on fixing it, letting people know that she wasn’t getting a divorce but just wanted to get it off her chest.
Losing physical attraction to your partner over time is common and doesn't have to signal the end of a relationship.
As psychotherapist Dr. Tina B. Tessina explained to SheKnows, feeling less physically attracted to your partner “is very common as time passes in relationships.”
From the time you first meet and fall in love to the moment you realize you've lost that physical attraction, so much life happens. Bodies and personalities change as people go through life experiences such as having kids, being under stress and simply just growing older. And though we may not see it this way, transformational psychologist and health, mindset and personal-development speaker Debi Silber told SheKnows that "neglected physical health and hygiene," or feeling as though your partner 'let themselves go', "can be conveyed as a sign of disrespect to the other person.”
Luckily, "attraction doesn't have to be solely about physical appearance," Jeff Guenther, LPC, explained in a TikTok video. Instead, attraction is "multifaceted and can manifest in many different ways, some of which might be more subtle but just as meaningful."
Couples can lean into these other forms of attraction to reignite closeness while giving each other the time and opportunity to do what it takes to rekindle that physical attraction.
It's an incredibly difficult conversation to have with your partner for fear of upsetting them, but even more upsetting to find out a partner feels this way by accidentally coming across it as this woman did. However, people in the comments tried to look at the bright side of the situation, noting that as hurtful as this may be, it gives her the opportunity to work on getting that attraction back.
"You said you two have a good relationship and that he has never said anything to you like that. Moreover you acknowledge that you have put on a lot of weight over a period of more than twenty years," someone wrote. "Allow yourself to see his comment in the context of a whole life together. Give yourself permission to see this comment as revealing a small amount of sadness and loss, not cruelty."
In having the strength to set insecurities aside, a moment like this is one in which couples are able to open the lines of communication and potentionally make their relationship stronger.