Wife Gave Her Husband 6 ‘Hall Passes’ After She Had An Affair — But Now She’s Upset After Finding Out He Actually Used Them
Was it a fair deal to begin with?
Candybox Images / Shutterstock Following the revelation of his wife's affair, a man and his spouse reached an unconventional agreement. In a bid to redress the imbalance, the wife proposed "hall passes" to permit her husband to engage in his own affairs without fear of repercussions.
Initially deeming the arrangement equitable, the man now grapples with whether disclosing his use of these passes would have spared his wife from her current state of emotional distress.
The man’s wife gave him 6 ‘hall passes’ that he could use to cheat on her after she had an affair.
Sharing his unique marriage deal on Reddit, the man revealed that it all began when he discovered his wife cheating on him in their seventh year of marriage.
The affair lasted 6 months, and the man said that the revelation was shocking and devastating.
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In addition to attending marriage counseling to make up for her betrayal, the man’s wife offered him 6 “hall passes,” one for every month she spent cheating. The conditions of the passes were that the man could not disclose how and who he used them with unless his wife asked, he had to use protection, and he could not become emotionally attached to the woman or women he was with.
“I used the hall passes my wife gave me at the beginning of the reconciliation,” the man admitted. “I slept three times each with two different women without my wife knowing.”
The man complied with all of the regulations put on the passes and claimed that they allowed him to let go of some of the resentment he held toward his wife.
It’s been five years since the man cashed in the hall passes, and his marriage has been steady until recently.
After years, the man’s wife decided to ask him for details regarding how he used the hall passes. As per their agreement, he answered each of her questions honestly, detailing his experiences.
His wife did not react well to learning about his own affairs.
“She does not even look me in the eyes now and is in a depressive state,” the man wrote. “I know this calls for another marriage counseling for us and maybe individual counseling, too.”
Now, he wonders if it was cruel of him to reveal all of the nitty-gritty details of his affairs and if he should have just kept them to himself to avoid upsetting his wife.
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Some people believed that the man should not feel guilty as it was his wife who cheated to begin with.
“This is why you don’t ask questions you don’t want answers to… But she asked, and you were honest. She can no longer pretend you haven’t been with someone else. These are the consequences of her actions,” one Redditor commented.
“It’s a rough situation, but she gave them to you, and you abided by her rules for them. I’m assuming she didn’t think you would ever use them,” another user wrote.
Most people argued that the hall passes were a dreadful idea in the first place.
They believed that the man should have never been allowed to cheat to pardon the fact that she had.
“Hall passes are a stupid idea; I would've said no to it. More cheating doesn't absolve previous cheating,” one user pointed out.
“She gave you something to help assuage her own guilt,” another user wrote of the man’s wife.
“You should have just kicked her to the curb when you found out about her infidelity. Cheating is a major breaking point in a relationship and shouldn’t be tolerated. Hall passes just cause further issues, as you can obviously see,” another user shared.
According to The American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy, between 10 to 15% of wives and 20 to 25% of husbands are unfaithful to their spouses at some point in their marriage.
About 20-40% of divorces are due to infidelity.
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However, if couples opt to stay together and work through the pain of an affair, offering the betrayed spouse an opportunity to cheat themselves is not a wise solution.
Evening the score is never a viable solution to overcoming infidelity in a relationship.
Couples should aim to communicate openly and honestly about their feelings, concerns, and the reasons behind the infidelity, seek counseling, set clear boundaries to prevent it from happening again and address any underlying issues in their marriage.
If they conclude that trust is no longer there, there is nothing wrong with forgiving and going their separate ways.
Allowing your partner to cheat even though you have to even out the score will only cause further damage to the already fragile relationship.
Megan Quinn is a writer at YourTango who covers entertainment and news, self, love, and relationships.