Why You Keep Attracting The Same Type Of Person, According To A Clinical Psychologist
It's deeper than you think, and has to do with way more than looks.
Anete Lusina / Pexels As you go through life, you might notice a pattern of attracting the same kind of partners. And whether's a good thing or not, many of us can't help but wonder why.
Clinical psychologist Dr. Shefali Tsabary explains why this tends to happen in romantic relationships — and what we can do about it.
Why You Keep Attracting The Same Type Of Person
There's a widespread belief that we're drawn to partners who resemble our parents, but the reality is far more complex.
According to Dr. Shefali, the type of person we're attracted to stems from our emotional experiences in childhood.
How did you feel growing up as a child? Did you feel unloved, invisible, or insecure? Chances are those exact feelings unconsciously attract us to certain types of partners, says Dr. Shefali. And until we heal our inner child we'll always attract the same people in love.
When I listened to her speak, I'll admit, it was a bit of an awakening for me. Before I healed and met my fiance, I attracted the same types of guys.
The ones who were emotionally unavailable or didn't value me. The ones who always put me last or didn't treat me right.
The reality of my unhealed wounds was a tough pill to swallow. However, when I accepted those wounds, it transformed how I felt about myself. And unconsciously this transformation led me to meet the love of my life.
But loving your inner child is no walk in the park. So, what are some practical tips you can use to kickstart your healing journey?
How To Heal Your Inner Child
Healing your inner child isn't easy, however, there are ways you begin to heal that don't require thousands of dollars in therapy.
First, visualize yourself as a child and imagine you're speaking to them, says Charlie Health. Speak to your inner child kindly and compassionately. Acknowledge their traumas and validate their emotions.
Then, let yourself know how loved and supported you are. If you find it difficult to speak kindly to yourself, imagine you're speaking to your child, niece, or nephew, suggests Charlie Health.
Next, write down key moments that might've traumatized you. Using this as a reference, reflect on how these experiences made you feel. Doing this will allow you to see the hard times you've gone through but never addressed, explains Charlie Health.
After that, write down how the adults around you reacted during those hard times. Once you have that then draw connections from your past to your present.
Did their emotional neglect lead you to neglect yourself? Keep journaling and venting out these emotions, says Charlie Health.
Venting out your emotions can help you process them better and be kinder and more compassionate to your inner child.
By healing your inner child and acknowledging your wounds, you help begin to move on and find partners who love and respect you.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, and family topics.