Why This One Type Of Relationship Never Works Out
If you recognize the pattern early, you might be able to fix it.
Twinsterphoto / Shutterstock Listen, relationships can absolutely be a complicated mess at times. But, one specific type makes for the most complicated and messy relationship of them all.
Clinical psychologist Dr. Aria Campbell Danesh discusses why this particular type of relationship never works out.
Why This One Type Of Relationship Never Works Out
Dr. Danesh has seen plenty of relationships in his time as a psychologist. Yet, there is one relationship in particular that just never seems to work out.
He explains, "The type I'm referring to are the ones where one partner is constantly seeking validation and reassurance, creating an imbalance in the dynamic."
He continues to explain that these types of relationships often lead to emotional exhaustion and resentment. While one person feels overwhelmed by their partner's high demands, the other feels more and more insecure.
Dr. Danesh continues, "It's crucial to recognize these patterns early and to work towards healthier communication and healthy self-reliance." But I get it, easier said than done, right?
Like, yes, we know a relationship needs to be balanced to thrive. And we know that relationships need mutual respect and consideration. However, when our insecurity gets the better of us, all of what we know quickly goes down the drain.
So, how do we work towards healthier communication with our partner then? Clinical psychologist Allison Sylvia might have a few suggestions.
Two Ways To Improve Communication In Your Relationship
1. Speaker listener Technique
First, figure out who will be the speaker and the listener. If you have trouble deciding then simply do rock, paper, scissors, shoot, to see who goes first.
Afterward, let the speaker say what's on their mind for 15-30 seconds suggests Slyvia. She explains, "The Speaker should break what they want to say down into approximately 15-30 second chunks, you might lose your Listener if you go on for too long."
Then, the listener will want to paraphrase what the speaker has said. Once the speaker confirms that the listener got it right or further explains their point, the next step is to reverse roles. And you'll want to continue this cycle until the situation begins to calm down.
But, don't get it twisted, this might take some time to get used to. Slyvia explains that there will be awkwardness at first.
However, "If you practice when things are not tense, it will be much easier to use when temperatures start to rise," Slyvia ends with.
2. Take a time out
Now, I get it, taking a 'time-out' sounds pretty immature, right? Like, we aren't children anymore, so, why do we need a time-out?
But sometimes, having a time-out is necessary if you want to prevent yourself from going around in circles.
But two things need to happen if you want this to work. Slyvia explains, "To do this, you say to your partner two things (1) 'I need to take a time out,' and (2) 'Let’s meet back in this room in 15 minutes to talk more about this.'”
After your partner agrees and you both separate, use this time to calm yourself down. Go on a walk, listen to relaxing music, or do deep breathing exercises.
And remember, your goal during an argument isn't to be perfectly understood or to find the perfect solution. Rather, your goal is to better understand each other so you can once again re-connect, says Slyvia.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, and family topics.