The Self-Inflicted Reason So Many Women Feel Resentful
The bitterness may be understandable, but it's also entirely in your power to change this behavior.
ProWeddingStudio | Shutterstock In today's world, it seems like more and more women are feeling resentful about their predicaments — and I don't blame them.
We're constantly giving a lot to others without getting much back in return. But often, this resentment goes unnoticed by those around us, who don't understand why we feel this way.
Luckily, psychologist Dr. Amanda Hanson perfectly explains why women experience this resentment and how we can move past resentment to grow into our true selves.
How Over-Giving Can Lead Women To Resentment
Hanson explains that women are conditioned to over-give — we are taught throughout our whole lives to do what is necessary to please others. But, when you're used to consistently putting your own needs and wants aside to prioritize someone else's, it's easy to become resentful.
As you can imagine, this resentment interferes with other parts of our lives as well — especially relationships — because we give so much that there's not enough energy left at the end of the day to invest in ourselves.
So, then what are women supposed to do about these feelings? The first step to resolving them is to communicate those wants and needs to others.
Hanson says the best place to start is by telling your partner, friend, or family member, that you need some space to focus on yoursef. It can be as simple as telling them, "Hey, I need a day off to reset myself."
She points out that people can't meet our needs if we never communicate them in the first place.
How Women Can Communicate Their Needs More Effectively
It's easy to get frustrated when your needs aren't being met, and we've all had bad days where we end up snapping at someone because we've put everyone else first.
But taking out anger on other people is never the best way to get a point across. When feeling frustrated it's best to think before responding, because how we approach the situation can put our partner in defensive or receptive mode.
According to the Gottman Institute, “Using words like “always” or “never” is a surefire way of putting your spouse on the defense.” So instead of accusing, communicate why you're frustrated and what you need from that other person.
For example, you could say (calmly), "I need help with the dishes now. I worked hard cooking for all of us and cleaning it up now will make it easier and less stressful for me to cook again tomorrow." End with how completing this task will make you feel loved and heard.
If they understand how important it is to you then they'll be more likely to do it, says the Gottman Institute.
However, what happens if your partner refuses to listen to you? If this is the case you can first try sitting them down. Discuss how you're feeling by using "I" statements and remain respectful.
Next, come up with a schedule together that seems fair. Be sure to schedule time for cleaning and hold one another accountable.
If your partner still refuses to help, consider going to therapy or counseling to help both of you work through your communication problems. Or, if you feel like you've tried everything and still aren't being heard, ending the relationship with that person so you can focus on meeting your needs without them.
Remember, your mental health comes first, so if someone isn't meeting your needs, you deserve better. By making yourself a priority and talking about your needs, you can focus on taking better care of yourself.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, and family topics.