How To Handle Someone Pulling Away From You
It doesn't have to be the end of everything.
framestreet / Pexels via Canva It can really sting when the person you're crushing on starts to pull away, can't it? All that effort and hard work seemingly slipping away.
So, how can we get closer to the person we like without coming off as clingy or overbearing? Relationship therapist Dr. Kimberly Moffit shares some tips on re-sparking your connection and getting things back on track.
How To Handle Someone Pulling Away From You
1. Paradoxical approach
Most men, according to Moffit, gauge a lot of their feelings based on how you react to their pullback. For instance, when your friend has a crush on someone, things might start well.
However, when that pullback happens, how they react can make or break that potential relationship. Moffit notes that nine times out of ten, you'll see your friend head towards a downward spiral.
They'll blow up and send a fifty-page paper on how they feel about the pullback. But you're smarter than that. Instead, "Your best bet is to remain utterly calm," says Moffit.
This will cause your crush to be caught off guard. Moreover, they'll begin to feel safe rather than smothered by your efforts. As Moffit wisely puts it, "Don't let the short-term fear of not getting a text back influence you, because this is a long-term game."
2. The Disappearing Act
One-minute you're there and the next minute you're gone. By playing into the disappearing act when they begin to pull away, you'll catch them by surprise.
Withdrawing can make your crush realize they don't have you as much as they thought they did — and that can terrify them. And for most men, they'll begin chasing again so as to not lose you.
3. The Coquette
When your crush begins to text back you need to picture yourself as a coquette. A coquette is a woman who is flirty but unserious.
Channel your inner Marilyn Monroe and respond to their message playfully. Tease your crush and act unbothered by their lack of response.
When you tease you're letting your crush know you're unaffected by their lack of response. And nine times out of ten, the pullback will end quickly, and your crush will be back to pursuing the relationship.
This is all great, but many of us can't help but wonder why these methods work in the first place. Why do men pursue you when you express disinterest in them?
Well, there are a few components at play here.
Why Men Chase
According to professor of philosophy Brit Brogaard, "Scarcity contributes to how much value we place on an activity, event, or person."
Further, if we look at history, social rejection meant being ostracized from your community and left to your own devices, says Broggard. And being rejected by someone can unintentionally trigger that fear that's been deeply ingrained in us.
Broggard also cites a study and writes, "According to Helen Fisher and her colleagues, the reason romantic rejection gets us hooked is that this sort of rejection stimulates parts of the brain associated with motivation, reward, addiction, and cravings."
When we perceive something as unattainable we want it even more. And as we are rejected, we begin to view that person as "expensive" or "unable to afford them," says Broggard.
Feeling that special someone pull away is tough, and most of us would react by sending a long paragraph or becoming increasingly desperate.
However, by playing it cool, you can reel your crush right back in.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, and family topics.