5 Ways To Gracefully Survive A Breakup (When It Hurts So Bad You Want To Die)
You might be doing things on the break up don't list and not even realize it.
Stockbyte, NicolasMcComber, invizbk | Canva Going through a breakup isn't fun. People don't joyfully plan them for a Friday night: 8 PM dinner, 9 PM break-up, 10 PM bowling. But, breakups are one of life's unpleasant necessities. They are part of dating — sometimes a big part.
Odds are, you've been broken up with, and you've also been the one who did the breaking up. Perhaps you've experienced this one or two times or maybe more times than you can count. But, whether you are a novice or have been involved in so many breakups that "The Breaker" could be your nickname, there are certain ways to not handle a breakup.
So, the next time you have your heart stomped on, resist the urge to do any of the following, no matter how hard it is.
Here are 5 ways to gracefully survive a breakup:
1 Don't make or act on threats.
Some people are so shaken from a breakup they will do anything they can to change their partner's mind out of desperation. This may involve threats. Some of these threats can be a bit juvenile—threatening to cut all your hair off, or to tell everyone on Facebook your partner gave you an STI —while others can be very serious, such as threatening to harm yourself.
Whatever version they are, threats tend to have very negative consequences. Not only does making threats drive your partner further away from you, but acting on them can have long-term damaging effects—damaging effects that, in the end, may be unrepairable.
If you are feeling the emotions of a breakup are too much to handle, and you are considering self-harm or worse. Please reach out to a professional for help. Break-ups can be tough to navigate alone.
If you or somebody that you know is experiencing a mental health crisis, there is a way to get help. Call SAMHSA’s National Helpline at 1-800-662-HELP (4357) or text "HELLO" to 741741 to be connected with the Crisis Text Line.
2. Don't stalk them online
Back in the olden days, people had to walk uphill both ways through blizzards in order to peek into the windows of those they were stalking. Stalking, however, is no joking matter and can be a seriously traumatic and dangerous situation for the one being stalked.
These days, we can stalk from the convenience of our own homes. Through social media platforms, it's pretty easy to figure out what an ex has been up to and who they have been seeing. But, just because it's easy, doesn't mean it should be done. Next time you have the urge to stalk your ex online, ask yourself what it will accomplish. The answer is probably nothing but more emotional stress for yourself.
3. Stop asking yourself "What If"
Whenever anything goes badly in our lives, it's human nature to wonder "What if"…" What if this happened, What if that happened."
But, the what-if game will drive you to emotional ruin. What happened has already happened, and no amount of wondering what could have been will ever make it be. If you are looking to amend things, stop wondering "what if" and instead ask yourself what you can do to win your ex back.
4. Don't spend all your time sitting at home.
The feeling your heart has been yanked out of your chest like a scene from Indiana Jones and The Temple of Doom doesn't exactly make a person want to go out on the town. Yet, sometimes you must force yourself to get out of the house.
Staying inside all day and feeling sorry for yourself will only perpetuate a cycle of misery. So, force yourself to go out and at least pretend to have fun. Then, one day, you will realize you actually aren't pretending at all.
5. Stop acting desperate
If someone you truly loved has dumped you, you may indeed be desperate, but there's no need to act like it.
Acting desperate, particularly towards your ex, will not cause them to run back into your arms. Instead, it will do one of two things: it will either turn them off completely or it will lead them to conclude they can go date whomever they want and you at the same time, because you're so desperate, you will still be there waiting for them. In short, desperation is like the color pea green: it doesn't look good on anyone. Thus, even if you are desperate, keep it to yourself.
Breakups are hard and many people muddle through them at their own rate and in their own way. The above, however, can assure you don't do anything you'll regret; don't let loads of time pass you by, and don't let heartbreak break you completely. The above advice should especially be taken into consideration if you are hoping, down the road, you and your ex can reconcile.
Michael Griswold is a relationship and life coach who uses his expertise to help men and women heal broken hearts and find love again.