I Was Never The Nagging Wife — My Husband Divorced Me For A Worse Reason
It makes my friends crazy, but I know exactly what drives him.
Andrii Zastrozhnov | Canva My ex-husband has been married for two years. He treats his new wife well. It shocks those closest to us. It frustrates them to witness the disparity.
“You were so easy to get along with.”
“You never asked anything of him.”
“He made it seem like you were work when you weren’t.”
They aren’t wrong. I joke that I was the girl sitting next to him on the beach saying pass the wine.
I was never the nagging wife. I was never demanding. I was never difficult.
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You wouldn’t know it by the way he used to joke about me. It was somewhat due to his nature. He’s disrespectful, and his humor could be based on making fun of people.
Still, it has shocked those who know us and even our children. They don’t get it. Why is he different with his new wife? Especially when it sounds as if she can be particular about certain things.
There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s just that they knew I was the opposite of that. My ex-husband ran into someone I know recently.
“My wife is ten years younger than me,” he said. “She’s my retirement plan.”
And there you have it. The reason my ex-husband treats his new wife well.
But I already knew that. I knew exactly why he treated her differently than he treated me. To be fair, they are also in the beginning of their relationship. They’ve known each other for four years.
But the money is the true reason. My ex-husband cares about two things. He cares about himself and money.
This realization helped end our marriage. When I became aware that our value systems were different, I didn’t recover. I couldn’t remain with a man who put those two things first in his life.
It played out in stereo during our divorce. It was an advertisement for himself and money.
His new wife is contributing to the bills. He’s getting one of the most important things in life from her. Well, at least the most critical to him. He’s saving what he often referred to as ‘his’ money. He’s also lining himself up for retirement.
A 2020 large-scale replication study from the Association for Psychological Science examined mate preferences across 45 countries. Researchers found that most men emphasized appearance more when choosing a partner. Features like youth, symmetrical bone structure, and wide hips in females were viewed as signs of overall health and vitality, ensuring species survival.
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The longer she works, the less money he rifles through. It’s a win for him. Money rules his world.
There’s an absurdity to how he viewed me. He pretends he’s a self-made man. In actuality, I built a business and investment properties with him. I managed the money for the majority of our marriage.
I was the one who paid the bills for our home, business, and rental properties. I was a massive financial contributor. He doesn’t see it that way.
Why? Ultimately, I transitioned to becoming a stay-at-home mother. We either had to hire someone to replace me at home or in the business. Either way, I continued to be involved and manage the finances.
I increased our savings and paid down bills. I was raised by a single mother, and I have a marketing background. I was incredibly good with money.
The way my ex-husband treats his new wife may frustrate those who love me. I love them for that. I love not only their loyalty, but that they see me for who I truly am.
But it doesn’t frustrate me. If anything, it validates me. It demonstrates what I already know.
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My ex-husband doesn’t value a particular human being. He values any person whom he believes he’s receiving something from.
His real character is continually on display. He’s a man who for years barely looked for his own children. His priorities were fully exposed in divorce. He puts himself and money above all else.
Unless he’s getting something he wants. In that case, he will appear to be happy and loving. He will appear to be a great guy. He will appear to care about an individual. I should know.
I spent years with a happy (diagnosed) narcissist. Until anger drove the narcissist out of hiding. He’s an illusion.
A 2022 study from the Journal of Research in Personality on narcissists' relationships shows that although a selfish person might enhance their partner early in the relationship, as the relationship progresses, they will only become more focused on their wants and needs—to the detriment of the other and the relationship.
I couldn't care less how he treats his new wife. I’m happy he no longer mistreats me.
Colleen Sheehy Orme is a national relationship columnist, journalist, and former business columnist. She writes bout love, life, relationships, family, parenting, divorce, and narcissism.