13 Uplifting Facts About Breakups That Will Instantly Make You Feel Better
Your split won't always hurt, we promise.
so vv/ Shutterstock They say it’s better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all, but don’t ever say that to someone who was just dumped!
Breaking up always hurts, even if you are the person that pulls the trigger. When you’re the one being dumped, though, it often feels like it’s the end of the world and you can sometimes struggle to learn how to get over a breakup.
I remember when my ex dumped me; I felt like I couldn’t breathe. I felt my heart get ripped out of my chest and felt the entire future I was so ready to enjoy being ripped away from me. Not going to lie, a little piece of myself died with that relationship. Heartbreak is not a new thing to me, in that sense.
The truth is, though, that breakups aren’t all bad. At times, they can be the best thing that can happen to you, and if you don’t believe it, ask anyone who was in a bad relationship if that’s the case.
That being said, there are certain things about relationships that are always true — and yes, these facts are pretty sunny.
Here are 13 uplifting facts about breakups that will instantly make you feel better:
1. You are not a failure just because the relationship failed
This is a hard, hard one for many of us to grasp because of the way that society keeps pushing this idea of “successful person = successful relationship.”
This is not the case. A relationship that ends in a breakup doesn’t connote that you’re a failure; it just means that the relationship wasn’t right for you. We don’t blame ourselves when shoes don’t fit because we know it’s silly to do so. So, why blame yourself for having a relationship that doesn’t fit, either?
2. You are also not a failure for being single
Single doesn’t mean you’re “not good enough” or that you are unlovable. Truth be told, some of the most successful people in history were known for being single for most (if not all) of their adult lives.
Sir Isaac Newton died a virgin. Oprah Winfrey has a strong rep for being permasingle. Pride and Prejudice writer Jane Austen never married, either. Get my drift?
3. The breakup means that there’s new room for someone or something better
You can’t date someone better if you’re already dating someone, right? Well, it’s very likely that you’ll find at least one person who’s going to be way more into you or a way better fit.
If you don’t, well... that’s not a problem, either. There are plenty of hobbies, volunteer opportunities, and work options that could be equally fulfilling.
4. There’s a very good chance that you’re grieving the loss of what could have been, rather than what was
The loss of potential is often more painful than realizing the blunt truth of the breakup. Ask yourself if you’re mourning the loss of the chance of wedding bells or if you’re mourning the guy who cheated on you.
Chances are that you’re going to realize you’re more upset about the loss you’re facing for your future than the person. Once you realize that loss just opens up new possibilities for what can be, you’ll probably realize it’s not all bad.
5. It’s also possible that the person you loved never existed
This one is especially true in abusive relationships where one partner stayed because they wanted “that loving, sweet guy” they first dated to come back.
Truthfully, that façade an abuser puts up is a person who never existed and never will exist. This may not seem like an uplifting fact right now, but when you feel like trying to make things work again, you’ll quickly realize that knowing this can be a lifesaver.
6. You are now free to enjoy that one food he couldn’t stand you making
You are also now free to wear that sweater he kept calling ugly, watch that show he despised, and also walk around naked in the kitchen. Do you know why? You don’t have him around to yell at you anymore. Can I get an amen?
7. Assuming the break wasn’t caused by something you did, you can rest assured that you did what you could in order to make the relationship work — and if that wasn’t enough, it wasn’t meant to be
A lot of people beat themselves up during a breakup and wonder if they could have done more to prevent it. As long as your partner didn’t dump you for cheating, abusing them, or neglecting them, it’s safe to say that you did all you could. For the dumpee, this means that you can stop hounding yourself with “what if’s.”
8. You do not have to go through a breakup alone
One of the best ways to learn how to get over a breakup is to call a support network you have. Talk to friends and family. Do something. No one said that having a breakup means that you have to walk alone all the time. So, don’t be afraid to reach out.
9. Now is the time you find out who your friends really are
Here’s a serious truth about breakups: they bring out the worst in people and a lot of people who you may have met while dating will very likely distance themselves from you. The people who help you during a horrible breakup are your real friends, so keep them by your side.
10. Most, if not all, of the pain you’re feeling, will go away
Being permanently hung up on someone is highly unlikely. Even if he was your everything, you’ll be surprised at how little he’ll matter within a matter of years.
Time’s a great healer like that, and while this may not help you feel better right now, it’s the truth of how you’ll feel in the future.
11. The breakup could be a learning experience for both of you
You might have learned about what you didn’t want in a partner, or you may have learned how not to behave. He may have learned that he needed to change. Either way, it’s a learning experience that can make you a better partner for the next person you end up dating.
12. Hindsight will have you realize that you might not have been as compatible as you thought you were
You would be surprised at how often women who were in abusive marriages only end up realizing that they were abused after their divorce ensues. The reason why is that being absent from your partner will often give you the time and space you need in order to notice all the faults in your relationship.
Don’t be shocked if, after a couple of months, you wonder what possessed you to date that guy in the first place.
13. Last but not least, there’s a decent statistical chance that they’ll come back eventually
It may take weeks, months, or even years, but a lot of exes tend to come back. My suggestion? Ditch their number and tell them they lost that chance.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, New Theory Magazine, and others.