5 Unsexy Ways To Save Your Marriage When You're No Longer Happy
You don’t have to settle for a "meh" marriage.
EpicStockMedia / Shutterstock Many people simply accept a boring and unhappy marriage as normal — or they start considering divorce. They believe you can’t feel the elation and attraction they felt when their love was new and felt like it would last forever.
However, there’s a huge gap between the feelings of being in love they had when the relationship was new and feeling bored and unhappy in their marriage.
Choosing to settle for feeling "meh" about a marriage is not only extremely sad, but it can negatively impact someone's health.
Do you really want to accept this as your fate? Probably not.
Just because you know you’re tired of feeling bored and unhappy with marriage doesn't mean you know what to do about it.
So, it’s time to consider your options. You could:
- Divorce — Yet, if the only problem in your marriage is that it’s in a rut and it’s lost its spark, divorce is an extreme response.
- Continue to feel bored and unhappy — If you were truly willing to settle for this type of marriage, you wouldn't be reading this article.
- Bring life back to your marriage — This may initially seem an impossible task. But if you and your spouse still love each other, reviving your marriage is the best course you can take.
Learning how to save a marriage before it leads to divorce really isn't as hard as you might think because boredom can be fixed, especially if you’re willing to break out of your marital rut.
Just about everyone likes new ideas or new experiences or new things. And knowing this is one of the keys to making your unhappy marriage happy again.
Here are five unsexy ways to save your marriage when you're no longer happy:
1. Plan an adventure
Plan adventures the two of you can look forward to together as a way to reconnect. The size of the adventure doesn't matter.
You might be thrilled with simply going someplace new for dinner. You might decide to plan an exotic vacation together.
The idea here is for you both to feel excited about doing something together.
2. Learn something new together
Some couples really enjoy exploring gardening, ballroom dancing, robotics, skiing, kayaking, and bird watching.
If none of these inspire you, that’s OK because they’re just meant to open your thoughts up to what will be fun for the two of you.
3. Revive old dreams
Reviving old dreams you shared, but shelved, is another way to inject some newness into your marriage.
Even if you can’t make your dreams come true right away, dusting them off and beginning to plan and work toward making them a reality will definitely get the two of you thinking about and doing more exciting (aka less boring) things together.
4. Connect with each other the way you use to
Your marriage may have become boring and unhappy because you’ve both stopped connecting the way you did when you were completely enamored with each other.
Back then, you used to share just about everything that was going on in your lives. Do that again.
5. Be willing to be vulnerable
Choosing to be vulnerable again and sharing the thoughts you’ve stopped discussing with your spouse is another way you can bring the spark back to your marriage.
When you look at these suggestions to take the boredom out of your marriage, you may not feel a lot of excitement about any of them. That’s OK.
The goal isn't necessarily for you to have an exact roadmap to follow that will drag your marriage out of the rut it’s fallen into. The real goal is for you to start thinking about how you can begin the work to stop feeling bored and unhappy with the marriage.
After all, any marriage will become boring and can cause unhappiness when it is predictable. So choosing to shake things up, even if only in little ways to start, will help you to reignite the spark of love you each still have.
Dr. Karen Finn is a divorce and life coach. Her writing on marriage and divorce has appeared on MSN, Yahoo! & e-Harmony, among others.