10 Under-The-Radar Signs Someone Is Committing Financial Infidelity
Signs someone is cheating on their partner with money.
Tima Miroshnichenko | Canva When most people think of being unfaithful to their partner, they think it means having an affair. However, there are several ways you can be unfaithful to your partner: emotionally, physically, and financially. The financial aspect is often overlooked as a problem because the one who is withholding the information thinks they are protecting their partner.
There are two types of lies: commission and omission. Lies of commission are knowing what you are doing and justifying your actions in your mind.
Lies of omission, on the other hand, mean you're leaving out some of the vital information about a financial transaction. There are warning signs to look out for, as in any brand of infidelity, and it's up to you to decide if you want to confront yourself and share with your partner.
If you are unsure about telling your partner, then ask for help. Sorting out the problems with a therapist could make a world of difference in your relationship. Here are ten warning signs you are committing financial infidelity.
Here are 10 under-the-radar signs someone is committing financial infidelity:
1. "Oh, it only cost…"
Sometimes, there is nothing underhanded about saying "It only cost ..." when it was more or less than the stated amount.
However, if you find you are saying "It only cost ..." because you had agreed to only spend a certain amount and you went over by a substantial amount, then it's a problem. This is one way to go down the slippery slope to bigger issues.
2. Opening accounts (credit, bank, and loan)
Opening an account without your partner knowing could be no big deal in your relationship, or it can be a very big deal. Some couples decide it's best to keep their money separate.
If that is the case, having a new account without your partner knowing may mean nothing. It can become a big deal, however, if you are divorcing.
If you two do have separate bank accounts, it would be smart to think about having a joint bank account. According to an Oxford Academic study, couples who merge their finances enjoy a protective effect that safeguards against the decline in relationship quality over time.
This could potentially help save your relationship after the financial infidelity is revealed.
3. Taking money out of your retirement fund
If you are taking money out of your retirement fund and your partner is not part of the decision-making process, then this is a breach of trust.
However, if you have a pre-nuptial that clearly states that it's your money no matter what, then this is not a problem. The next question to consider is: Why do you need to cash out early and be willing to pay penalties?
This sounds like something you would want to talk with your partner about before doing it, just to get another point of view. Or, if you have a gambling problem or some other kind of addiction that you are ashamed of, consult a therapist.
4. Borrowing money
It's the best practice not to borrow money from friends or family. However, if you are borrowing from friends or family and asking them for a blood oath not to tell your partner, this says there's a major problem.
Let this be a lesson. Research suggests there are pitfalls when borrowing money from friends. Specifically, the friend might feel entitled to judge what the debtor spends the borrowed money on and might get angry if they deem the spending frivolous or unnecessary.
5. Hiding bonus money
Some think that if they get a bonus at work it's none of their partner's business. As long as that's your agreement up front, it's not a problem. But, if you are getting a bonus and you are hiding it purposefully, there is a problem.
If you find letting your partner know means that they will spend it without consulting you, that's a problem, as well.
6. Lending money
Giving money to a friend or family member can be a problem, depending on the agreement you have with your partner. If your family member has "borrowed" many times from you, and your partner has made it clear they do not want to lend them money again and you give it away anyway, then that's an issue.
7. Opening a P.O. Box
There are good reasons to open a Post Office Box where you wouldn't be hiding anything. The question is: Does my partner know I did this and if not, why not?
8. Hiding the credit card bill
If you are hiding any bill where you know your partner would get upset if they saw it, there is a major problem here.
9. Forgery
If you are signing your partner's name without their knowledge, this is called forgery, and it is a crime.
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10. Stealing
If you are taking money out of your joint account and hoping your partner will not notice, or you're taking money out of their wallet without telling them, you are stealing. This needs to be looked at so you can understand the feelings behind the action.
Charlotte A. Michie is a licensed clinical social worker with 10+ years of experience in private practice who takes a practical approach to emotional healing to ensure her clients can live in the present moment in a meaningful way.