The Truth About Whether Or Not To Come Clean About Your Affair, According To A Divorce Coach
Could keeping the affair a secret be detrimental to your relationship?
RDNE Stock project | Pexels Infidelity and cheating on partners is one of the most common factors that destroys relationships these days. Actually, cheating has gone on for as long as people have been attracted to each other. Both men and women are guilty of this, but it seems that men may have the edge on doing it more often.
That may be because they say it really doesn't mean anything, and that it's just sex. Men have absolutely no clue how incredibly insulting that is. Women are usually more emotional than men, so affairs aren't that enticing to them except in cases where their partners are ignoring them and someone else has made them feel worthwhile and desirable.
As this goes on all the time, it seems, the question arises regarding whether or not confessing to an affair is the right thing.
There are a lot of variables in the answer to that question that keeps it from being cut and dry For instance, if the person you've been having the affair with is someone you're in love with and can't see spending your life without, then you've got no choice except to confess to your current partner. You've probably already made up your mind to leave anyway, so you may as well get it over with.
From another perspective, if the affair was never really anything important, was very short, and is now over, it may not be necessary to confess to your partner. This is especially true if you've decided that your partner is the one you love. Confessing your indiscretion may end the relationship due to your partner no longer being able to trust you. It's certainly something to think about before rushing to your partner, confessing all, and begging for forgiveness on bended knee.
Some couples have what is commonly known as an open relationship.
While this isn't necessarily the norm, it does work for many couples. In these relationships, you can most likely tell your partner all about someone else that you've slept with. They're probably going to tell you all about their extracurricular activities as well. This may actually be the extra exciting kink that jolts the relationship the way you need. However it works for you if you're in that kind of relationship, there's no need to worry about confession.
One-night stands are another entity entirely.
These things usually are drunken lust-filled mistakes and happen because of poor judgment. If this has happened to you, confessing may not be the best idea. But only you know your partner and whether or not they will be able to handle the truth. If you know that this is something that will never happen again, there may be no need to take a chance on losing a relationship that means a lot to you.
In the end, only your conscious can guide you in what's right or wrong in this. Just take into consideration all of the mitigating factors before making your final decision. Remember, once you speak the words, you can't take them back.
Aaron Kaplan is a Coach Training Alliance-Certified Coach (CTA-CC), Certified Prepare-Enrich Facilitator, and CDC Certified Divorce Coach, who also happens to be an ordained member of the clergy.