3 Tragic Communication Mistakes That Happen Right Before Divorce
The biggest saboteur of a good relationship is the breakdown of communication.
stock-eye | Canva No one gets into a serious relationship thinking it won't last. When you find someone you can trust and feel safe with, you naturally imagine growing old together. But all too often good relationships that should last forever fall apart. Why does that happen? It's often because of three tragic communication mistakes that if not caught in time, tear two people apart.
Ask any woman if she can remember a time when her partner's words hurt her. She'll remember every word that was said and every detail of where it happened and what she was wearing. Words have a huge impact on how good we feel in a relationship.
Here are 3 tragic communication mistakes that happen right before divorce
1. You stop telling the truth
Let's be real. Sometimes telling the truth is hard. We avoid it because we're afraid of the response we might get or fear being judged. We might talk ourselves out of it and push it down, telling ourselves we don't have the time or energy to deal with it.
When you avoid confrontation by the "lie of omission," your resentment will build making you unhappy and putting a distance between you. If something is important you need to tell your partner the truth; even if your voice shakes and you're scared.
More often than not the anticipation of their reaction will be worse than the experience itself. When you withhold a truth it’s like you have a "secret" you're keeping that can't help but create a sense of distance and separation between you, which is backed up by a 2024 study.
2. You stop being kind
This is a slippery slope people fall into when they're over the "honeymoon phase." It's rightfully said that "familiarity breeds contempt," meaning we hurt the ones closest to us because they're there! It's easy to forget that your lover, who you now know so well, is very vulnerable and sensitive to your reactions as shown in a 2011 study.
You might start relaxing a bit and slide into being disrespectful and downright nasty. You think it shouldn't be a problem because of course, they know you love them. But if you're being cruel, using words like "stupid" or "lazy," you'll make an imprint on that person's heart that can't be erased.
If you belittle or berate each other, you'll develop a thick skin. It will protect you from hurtful words but also keep out the love you long for.
3. You stop listening with an open mind
We all want to be right. Every war on the planet has been caused by people thinking they're right and their enemy is wrong. Wanting to be right is an epidemic in this country. Many good relationships fall apart because someone wants to be right rather than happy.
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An open mind requires you to stop judging your partner and stop making them wrong. How often have you changed your mind because someone told you you were wrong? That kind of persuasion never works.
To stop these communication mistakes, check in with yourself every day. It takes constant awareness to keep the feelings of safety and trust you had in the beginning alive. The biggest saboteur of a good relationship is the breakdown of communication when you lose your ability to talk to your partner as a friend. So, don't let it happen to you.
Virginia Clark is a relationship coach with decades of experience. She's the author of It's Never Too Late To Marry: How to Have the Man and the Marriage of Your Dreams.