To The Guy I Ghosted: Why I Had To Leave Without A Warning

To the guy I ghosted,

I’m sorry. I had no right to do what I did to you. That’s on me.

We met and you were clearly falling for me. You talked to me all day, every day. You were planning a future for us before we even really knew what our present would look like. And I went along with it.

I loved it. But deep down, I knew I probably wouldn’t follow through.

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I loved to be loved. I was going through a lot and worried that no one would ever love me like I felt I needed. You showed me what it felt like to be adored and got me hooked on the emotions.

You need to know that nothing I ever said to you was a lie. I was just in a place where I constantly “needed” others. You became one of those others.

We lived far apart and I knew there wouldn’t likely be any repercussions if I broke your heart. I knew a relationship probably would never work out anyway, so I used it to justify my actions.

I led you on and then I bailed.

I was probably wrong about how I handled it. I shouldn’t have just pushed you away. I shouldn’t have ignored your messages and deleted you on social media.

I was childish, but the reality is, I was still a child and so were you. It just seemed easier to lead the life I had in front of me. The life that would be easier.

Yes, I really did like you.

I was every bit as amazed with the way you were as I said I was. I was amazed by your stories about your life and how strong you were.

I got butterflies when you’d tell me how you felt or dedicate songs to me. It was real. But it wasn’t what I was looking for long-term at the time.

I ended up popping in and out of your life, and that was wrong. I know I confused you. The world likes to label guys as the ones who do things like this, but for us, that stereotype couldn’t be further from the truth.

You were a caring listener and a kind friend. You were just a good person.

I was addicted to the attention, the love, and the respect because I had never been treated as well as you treated me. But at the end of the day, it would never work and that meant that I needed to look elsewhere.

Could I have been mature? Yep. Could I have explained my feelings and actions clearly and honestly? Sure. But I didn’t.

I chose to give you the boot so I could figure out what I wanted. I did that. I accomplished what I set out to do but by doing so I learned even more that how I treated you was wrong.

When you found out that there wasn’t going to be a relationship between us, that I had made different plans and blindsided you with the truth, you were crushed.

I hurt you more than I meant to and more than I even imagined possible. You said some things that hurt but I deserved them all.

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We’ve talked since then, but we haven’t talked about what happened or what we almost had. You just said it was all okay and that you were happy for me.

I am thankful to you for that. You didn’t force me to accept the treatment that I probably deserved. You were never cold or unforgiving. You were the best to me.

Do I think I made a mistake in letting you go? No.

I couldn’t say that without compromising everything I’ve made for myself now. But I do think I could’ve done things differently and I do think about it even to this day.

But I’m sorry. I’m sorry I hurt you, lied to you, used you for my own emotions, lead you on, deserted you, and broke your heart.

I hope you understand that ghosting you was my mistake. Ghosting someone is not cool, but it’s certainly easier than feeling all the pain and guilt.

I want you to understand that I did it because I was weak and I could never face the reality of what I had done. I was in an emotional place where I didn’t know who I was or what I needed so, in the process of figuring it out, I made mistakes that I am terribly sorry for.

I know you’ve already forgiven me but I hope you understand that hurting you was really never the intention. Ghosting was an escape and I am a complete loser for taking it.

I hope you find someone who appreciates you. I hope she understands and values everything you have to offer because even though whatever we had was short-lived, I knew instantly the kind of guy you were.

You are a wonderful person and anyone would be lucky to have you. I know that’s cliché, but it’s the truth. I would’ve been so lucky to have but I never could.

Sincerely,

The one that had to get away

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Gillian Watts is a writer who focuses on relationships, entertainment, and self-love. For more of her content, visit her author profile on Unwritten.