To All The Boys Who Have Broken My Heart
You opened my eyes to the kind of men you are.
Olha Yefimova/ Shutterstock By Nicole Garbanzos
To the boys who broke my heart:
I still haven’t healed from the time you robbed me of my first kiss. That night in your car, filled with exploited intentions, showed me exactly what a kiss shouldn’t be.
Yet, I quickly lost my identity as I desperately tried to hold your attention. I found myself constantly frustrated by your inability to tell me how you really felt; I hated the way you’d disappear for hours, instead of confronting me about our problems.
But I later learned that you only cared about getting to know me from the outside, instead of learning what lies within.
My heart sank every time you told me you didn’t feel ready for a relationship. For some reason, though, I believed that I was the problem. After all, I could never compare to the numerous Instagram models you followed.
As I tried to cling to you, I slowly crumbled into a discouraged, jealous, pessimistic shell of a girl who lost every ounce of self-love I ever held.
I lost hope, my spirit was crushed, as I truly stopped moving toward the light at the end of the tunnel. And yet, I still can’t believe that you left me for another girl. You disappeared so suddenly when I thought our connection felt so stable.
Even though you brought out the worst in me, I never thought I’d let you go.
I may never understand why you took the easy way out. I will never know why you made a decision before talking to me or why you made the decision at all.
But for all the darkness you brought into my life, you also taught me an important lesson: You taught me everything I didn’t want from my next romantic partner.
Because of all the boys who broke my heart, I fell in love with the small things in life, now I see just how significant they really are. Because of you, I learned to value honesty and sincerity.
Your incompetence eventually pushed me to settle for nothing but the best; your immaturity encouraged me to cherish someone who chooses to stay and figure things out.
You opened my eyes to the kind of man you are. This helped me learn how to appreciate any man who didn’t make me feel the way you did.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m actually grateful for all that you put me through.
I know I haven’t seen you for years, but in that time, I found a good man who loves everything about me and I don’t think I would have ever found him without you.
When I was with you, I was timid, unsure, and desperate for a relationship that gave me a sense of validation. However, I’ve grown into a woman who no longer tolerates anything that doesn’t serve her, and I’m willing to walk away from anything that may interfere with my dreams and aspirations.
I still need to forgive myself for the times I came running back to you and heal from the mess you made.
So, to all the boys from my past: I just wanted to let you know that I will no longer settle for less than what I truly deserve.
Sincerely,
The girl who couldn’t be better without you
Nicole Garbanzos is a journalist and freelance writer with bylines in ELLE Canada, Goalcast, Unwritten, Thought Catalog, and HOLR Magazine. Follow her on Twitter for more.