A 'Tired, Sick, Hormonal' New Mom Can't Forgive Her Husband For A Fight They Had A Year Ago
She is still hurt by the cruel words her husband said to her during an argument.
aslysun / Shutterstock A new mom is receiving support after admitting that she can't seem to forgive her husband over something that happened a year ago. Posting to the UK-based parenting forum Mumsnet, the mom revealed an argument that she and her husband got into just a week after she'd given birth — and to this day, it's something she can't forget.
An exhausted mom can't forgive her husband for the cruel words he said during an argument a year ago.
In her post, she explained that 10 months ago, she and her husband got into a terrible argument. It happened just six days after she'd given birth, and during that time, she was obviously going through a lot. She recalled being tired, sick, and hormonal.
When she woke up one night to feed the baby, fulfilling the agreement that she and her husband had previously made, he refused to get up later in the day and feed the baby when it was his turn.
"I was annoyed as the baby was hungry and I had barely slept. He lost the plot and shouted aggressively at me for about 10 minutes," she shared. "I won't repeat the kinds of things he said but they were cruel and also untrue. This kind of behavior had never happened before."
Now, almost a year after that disagreement, she realized that she never forgave her husband for the things he said to her and most likely never will. She also noticed that their relationship has started to change, and she feels as if she's no longer in love with him, at least not in the same way that it had been before.
She acknowledged that her husband can behave in an extremely vile and volatile way and that he chose to do it when she was at her most vulnerable, clearly not caring about her emotional well-being or how his words would affect her during such a tumultuous period in her life.
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"A few weeks after it had happened, he reluctantly admitted his behavior was [out of line] but in the same breath accused me of taking it too seriously," she continued. "We have had some arguments since but nothing like as intense. Whenever we do argue, I am reminded of that first horrible argument and the way I felt."
In the comments section, sympathetic people assured the mom that she wasn't being unreasonable for still harboring ill feelings toward her husband.
"I don’t know what he said to you, but if it was wildly out of character and he’s been a good father and husband since, I would try my best to move on. But if there’s been little hints that this is actually the way he thinks, I would be rethinking things too," one Mumsnet user suggested.
Another user added, "There are certain red lines in relationships — once crossed they do irreparable damage — sounds like he crossed one that day. But the thing is he hasn't tried to properly repair it. Maybe suggest one or two sessions of couple therapy to explore the impact on you. If he really gets it and can move past his kneejerk defensive reaction he might try harder to repair it."
"It sounds like he has never properly apologized or taken the time to understand why he treated you so abusively or sought counseling for himself to ensure this never happened again. If he had done these things, I'd say you may be able to get past it."
Communication is key for this couple to move forward.
The months after birth are extremely grueling, especially for mothers, who have to wake up at odd hours to breastfeed while also trying to heal from the trauma of giving birth, both physically and mentally. It doesn't help when an already fragile mind is pushed to the brink by their partner.
There are no excuses for why this woman's husband was vile toward his wife, and it's clear that she is still hurt by the words that were used against her.
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As many other people suggested, the best solution to move forward and hopefully forgive is to bring up to her husband that she's still upset by his words. No one is a mind reader and if there is a hiccup in any relationship, whether platonic or romantic, the way to resolve it is by communicating.
If she brings up to her husband how she feels about their argument from a year ago and he is dismissive, then she has her answer about the future of their marriage, but if he's willing to apologize, then it's clear that there may be something to salvage.
Nia Tipton is a Chicago-based entertainment, news, and lifestyle writer whose work delves into modern-day issues and experiences.