5 Things Women Don't Realize They Do That Make Their Husbands Feel Unloved
Everyone wants to feel loved and needed, including your spouse.
JackF | Canva Dear Wife: Remember the day when I shielded you from the heavy rains on our third date? You held me so close and you wouldn't let go until it subsided.
That was the day I fell in love with you. You may wonder how this minor detail became a core memory, leading to our marriage. It was one of the last times I felt like your hero.
Since then, things have been different, and I want that feeling back — instead, I feel like you're falling out of love with me. I haven't felt loved by you for the past several years, and I couldn't figure out why.
Then I happened to pick up the book For Women Only by Shaunti Feldhahn. It's a book about the inner lives of men, and there's a section on respect that describes my feelings so clearly.
I haven't felt your love because you lost respect for me. You may wonder how, since we don't argue. Honestly, I've lost the will to argue because things never change.
Here are 6 little things wives do that make their husbands feel unloved:
1. You dismiss his ideas
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When I come up with ideas that I think will help us as a family, you always shoot them down. I know I make less money than you, so that may give you extra authority. But when you constantly shoot down my ideas, it makes me feel dumb.
2. You don't have confidence in him
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I can handle projects around the house, especially when you've given me the green light to handle them. When you jump in to save me or take the project off my plate, you're telling me that you have no confidence in me. Research published in Psychology of Men & Masculinity tells us that men want to feel needed in their relationships.
3. You aren't proud of him
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I sacrificed a lot in my career because I saw the gifts and talents you possess, and I wanted to see you soar. When I've shared the wonderful news that happened to me at work, you barely even acknowledge it. How hard would it be to say, "I'm proud of you?"
4. You don't bother to communicate with him
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When you ask me to do something, I plan on doing it. If there's something you want to be done in a specific time period, tell me when you want it done.
If I can't get the task done in the time period you're looking for, we'll both know. It feels negative when you constantly remind me.
The way you communicate with me makes me feel like I've failed you. Good communication in a relationship is what keeps it healthy, according to research from 2021.
What you don't understand is that I already feel like I've failed, and your constant reminders make it worse. It's not in my nature to forget and anything I say I'm going to do.
5. You belittle him in public
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I know you don't tell stories about me often. But when you tell your girlfriends stories about me that are funny at my expense to make them feel better, it really kills me. Your simple teasing makes me feel that I'm not worthy of anything.
6. You nag him
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When I walk into the door after work, the first thing you do is yell at me about the dishes, and how we don't have any of the food you need to make dinner. No compassion, no questions about how my day was.
I don't even feel like a husband at times when you nag at me over every little thing. No one is perfect, and you yelling at me to get stuff done isn't going to make them get done any quicker.
I know this may come as a shock to you, but if you choose me to be your hero again, I'll do what it takes to go through the walls and be the hero you want me to be. Sincerely, Your Unloved Husband
Keith Dent is a writer, blogger, and certified empowerment coach. He is the author of In the Paint: How to Win at the Game of Love.