12 Tell-Tale Signs You're A Rebound For Him, According To Divorce Mediator Of 20 Years
Subtle signals that it's not real love, it's a rebound.
Dean Drobot | Canva So, you think you finally met this amazing person, but something just doesn’t feel right. Your new love seems to have come out of nowhere, and they appear eager, almost anxious, to be in a relationship with you. However, instead of being happy and excited, you feel a little unsettled. You start to wonder — are these signs you're in a rebound relationship?
Rebounding into something new without mourning and processing the loss of the previous partners can limit your opportunities to learn and grow from the relationship. Rebounders may seem to fall very hard, very fast for someone new. Their failure to learn from their role in the decline and subsequent breakdown of past relationships makes it more likely they'll enter into a new one with the same problematic behaviors and excessive baggage.
Here are 12 tell-tale signs you're a rebound for him:
1. Timing
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The time between you and your partner's previous relationship is very short. Jumping into a new relationship immediately after the previous relationship just ended is typically done to avoid being alone or facing the reasons why the relationship ended.
When a relationship ends, it is important to take time to process what went on, as well as to identify your personal role in the relationship's breakdown.
2. Lack of introductions
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You haven't met your partner's friends or family. Although things are traveling in the fast lane, you realize you don’t know much about your partner's past.
You've never met their friends or family, you haven't discussed each other's visions for the future and you don't talk about the direction this relationship is headed in.
3. Lack of communication
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You don't discuss your future with one another. You used to dream about having this type of whirlwind relationship, but silently you're questioning your partner's motives because the relationship is progressing at an accelerated speed.
4. Preoccupation with an ex
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You or your partner monitors your ex on social media.
Unfortunately, when people are rebounding from a previous relationship, they do so to escape negative feelings of pain and sadness associated with the loss of no longer being in the relationship.
Jumping into a new relationship immediately after the previous relationship just ended is typically done to avoid being alone or facing the reasons why the relationship ended.
5. Refusal to let go of old messages
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You or your partner still have old messages (texts, voicemail, pictures, etc.) from an ex.
Research suggests momentary relief is felt in rush relationships when there are high levels of emotional attachment to their ex.
6. Rushed pacing
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You or your partner has rushed into the relationship to avoid feeling incomplete. Breakups are never easy, but when they happen it's important to learn from them and take the opportunity to get to know yourself again. It's a chance to explore what has changed about you and what you are looking for in your next relationship.
Notably, being alone does not mean you have to be lonely. Sometimes we use the words alone and lonely interchangeably, making it difficult to determine how we truly feel about the dissolution of a romantic relationship.
7. Premature commitment
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You enter the relationship quickly, despite knowing they aren't “relationship material."
Rebounding from one relationship to the next may offer a temporary distraction from negative feelings, but like most things of that nature, you will soon have to face the issues that ended your relationship, as well as the negative feelings you attempted to avoid by jumping into a new one.
8. Selective shows of affection
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Your new partner appears overly affectionate with you whenever they run into their ex.
According to studies, another example can be your partner reaching out when they feel sad, lonely, or empty, and they might be neglectful toward you when they are happy.
9. Unexplained difficulty discussing past relationships
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Trying to talk about past relationships seems particularly painful, like the equivalent of pulling teeth.
10. Superficial communication
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You try talking to your partner about their worldview, but they stay clear of heavy subjects, preferring to talk about superficial topics.
It's also important to note you can be lonely in a relationship, especially, if the relationship is unhealthy or has run its course.
11. A lack of intimacy in your intimacy
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You are very rarely intimate. Be kind to yourself and the new person you are interested in pursuing by taking time to feel and experience the breakup of your previous relationship so you can give to your new relationship unselfishly, honestly, and passionately.
12. Inappropriate flirting with others
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You or your partner participate in endless, indiscriminate flirting. It doesn’t matter who the person is. You or they select the first fish to grab the bait.
Breakups are never easy, but when they happen it's important to learn from them and take the opportunity to get to know yourself again. It's a chance to explore what has changed about you and what you are looking for in your next relationship.
Notably, being alone does not mean you have to be lonely. Sometimes, we use the words alone and lonely interchangeably, making it difficult to determine how we truly feel about the dissolution of a romantic relationship.
It's also important to note you can be lonely in a relationship, especially, if the relationship is unhealthy or has run its course.
Rebounding from one relationship to the next may offer a temporary distraction from negative feelings, but like most things of that nature, you will soon have to face the issues that ended your relationship, as well as the negative feelings you attempted to avoid by jumping into a new one.
Be kind to yourself and the new person you are interested in pursuing by taking time to feel and experience the breakup of your previous relationship so you can give to your new relationship unselfishly, honestly, and passionately.
Dr. Tarra Bates-Duford is a psychologist who focuses on relationships, dating, and personality issues.