3 Sweet Things To Say Out Loud To Yourself As You Heal A Broken Heart
Let go of old patterns and thrive.
Viorel Poparcea | Canva The relationship you thought would last is over. Looking back, you realize you weren’t a great match and many things about this relationship were bad for you. You may be experiencing a variety of emotional challenges as you attempt to heal and move on.
On your road to recovery, it’s essential to let go of the old patterns that keep you down and to embrace new perspectives to help you heal and thrive.
Here are 3 sweet things to say out loud to yourself when you're healing from a broken heart:
1. "I can keep my dream of love and it doesn’t have to be with them."
Years ago, I was engaged to be married to my boyfriend who I’d been with all through graduate school. It wasn’t a great relationship but I was naïve and thought he’d become less self-absorbed, and more attentive so I stayed. When I completed my doctorate and got a job as a psychology professor across the country, he said he’d join me. I hoped everything would be fine and we’d live happily ever after. Then he broke off the engagement and I was devastated. I thought my dream of love, marriage, and family was over.
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Like me, you may have tied your dreams to a specific person, and you may think the loss of your relationship is the loss of your dream. The good news is, you can separate your dream of love from that person. When I realized I could keep my dream of love and it didn’t have to be with him, I was free to move on and create a more fulfilling relationship.
Visualize a future that includes a new loving relationship.
Remember, you broke up for a reason and can let go of your attachment to your ex. Start by visualizing the future you want, a future that includes a new loving relationship. You get to keep your dream of love so what would you like it to be like? Where would you live, how would you spend your time, what values and activities would you share with your partner?
Journal about your ideal relationship.
In addition to visualizing the future you want, write about your ideal relationship in a journal. What would a perfect day together entail? How would you feel around your new partner? What are some things you’d say to each other and do together? What else would be important to you in this new relationship? Remember, you can keep your dream of love and it will be better with someone who is a better match for you.
2. "I’m lovable and deserve love, respect, and happiness."
After you’ve reminded yourself you can keep your dream of love, the second sweet thing to say out loud to yourself is, “I’m lovable and deserving of love and happiness just as I am.” That means you don’t have to wait until you lose weight or wrinkles or gain money or a new car. You are lovable now.
During twenty-five years of working with clients, I’ve heard every variation of “I’m not good enough.” You are probably harder on yourself than you are on anyone else, and the negative relationship experiences you’ve had can also impact your self-esteem. After a breakup, you may feel especially low.
Maybe your last partner was critical, and you felt less important, less valuable, less lovable, or less deserving. The truth is regardless of what anyone else thinks about you, your value is always precious. You are inherently lovable and deserving of respect and happiness.
Speak your truth with affirmations and mirror exercises.
What are you telling yourself? Now is your chance to speak to yourself with words of loving kindness. Speak to yourself how you’d speak to a beloved child or pet. You can look right in your eyes in the mirror and say, “I love you. I’m lovable. I deserve love, respect, and happiness.” Feel free to add any words to affirm your value and make you smile.
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Treat yourself with loving kindness and self-care routines.
Speaking loving words to yourself is a great start. Also, treat yourself with the love and kindness you would extend to a beloved friend or family member. Establish self-care routines that are healthy and healing for you. Remember the basics and get enough rest, water, healthy nutrition, daily movement, and exercise, time in nature, and time doing things you enjoy. Make it a habit to take excellent care of yourself.
Surround yourself with supportive friends and family.
Don’t hang out with Debbie Downers and steer clear of Negative Neds. Surround yourself with people who are there for you, believe in you, and want you to have love and happiness in your life. If you want more supportive people in your life, cultivate new friends by joining groups and organizations that inspire you and reflect your values.
When you’re ready, these supportive people can scout for you and introduce you to new potential partners. By surrounding yourself with supportive people and engaging in enjoyable events and activities, you’ll feel better and you might meet someone new. Make sure you have a few supportive people you can call on as you’re healing from your bad relationship and moving toward the life and love you desire.
3."I can design my next chapter however I want. It’s never too late for me to find love."
Now you’re empowered to create the life and love you want. You can say out loud to yourself “I can design my next chapter however I want. It’s never too late for me to find love.” Your life is not just something that happens to you. You can choose the path you take and you can shape the future you want.
You may be afraid you’re too old and it’s too late to find love again. I’ve worked with hundreds of people over forty who have found the best relationships of their lives later in life — many were in their seventies! As long as you’re breathing, it’s never too late for love!
- Jane gained confidence, met her beloved at the age of 73, and says this is her best relationship ever.
- Donn clarified his vision and found his wife when he was 56. They both say they’re a perfect match.
- After years of abusive relationships, Lisa just got married for the first time at 49 and she says it’s by far her best relationship.
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As for me, I got coaching and support, designed and implemented my conscious dating plan and I’ve been happily married since 2005. My husband and I have been there for each other through health challenges, raising our teenage son, and lots of wonderful adventures. I’m living a life I love with the love of my life and I know you can have that too!
Design your next chapter.
What new goals and aspirations do you have for your next life chapter? What support do you need to manifest your goals? It can be daunting to start over without help, so you may want to explore coaching, therapy, support groups, or online communities.
Opening up to new relationships and experiences can be exciting and challenging. How can you ensure you won’t repeat old patterns? Do you have the clarity you need to make a wise partner choice? Do you have a plan to move forward and create the life and love you desire? What will help you to feel confident in yourself and your dream? How can you be loving and kind to yourself during this process?
Perhaps you’d like to keep a journal to track your progress. Maybe you can connect with a friend who is moving on after a breakup and you can support each other. Reading inspirational and healing words can help, as can working with a professional who can support you on your journey.
As you’re healing, remember to say to yourself:
- "I can keep my dream of love and it doesn’t have to be with them."
- "I’m lovable and deserve love, respect, and happiness.".
- "I can design my next chapter however I want. It’s never too late for me to find love."
Regardless of your age or situation, these sweet things are true.
Dr. Wendy Lyon is a psychologist, best-selling author, and master-certified relationship coach for singles and couples. To learn more and get your free copy of her Roadmap to Relationship Success from her book with Deepak Chopra, visit her website.