The Situation That Makes A Man More Likely To Cheat, According To Research
What makes an affair more prevalent.
TomFullum, filadendron | Canva You worked so hard, got the big promotion and you're rewarded with ... a husband who's MORE likely to cheat. That’s right ladies, a 2015 study by the American Sociological Review reports marriages have an increased risk of infidelity when the woman is the breadwinner. Sadly, it makes sense. I got scared when I realized my income could surpass my husband’s. I understand the basic needs of a man’s psyche. He needs to feel masculine, dominant and like the provider, so when his female counterpart rakes in more dough, it’s a blow to his ego.
Intimacy and money are two sure ways to boost a man's confidence. If he can look at his bank account, know that he built it, and gain the affection of a girl, he's set. You could look at it in reverse. If a man is in an intimacy-starved marriage, he will bury himself in work to grow his net worth (soothing his injured ego) before the idea of cheating comes to mind. Do all men have fragile egos?
No. The study reports that 15 percent of husbands who are completely dependent on their wives financially will cheat. But I will go so far as to say that most men in this scenario will think about straying. Always remember that men are simple. If you’re the breadwinner, don’t panic! Just get good at stroking your man's ego. I once treated a couple where her income lapped his at least twofold. The money talk went like this: "I get it. It’s not fun for him to know I will always make more money than him. It was a HUGE problem in our marriage until I learned how to make him feel more powerful in other ways.” “I’m not going to lie, it sucks that she will always make more money. In the beginning, when we were juggling different roles, I felt like a failure. It was depressing.”
How did she empower him? “I let him take the lead on the big decisions in other areas of our life. And this sounds silly, but I have a good sense of direction and I know when we are lost. But I stopped telling him which way to go and simply sat back and enjoyed the ride. I don’t know, things like that changed our dynamic.” She did it right. She was confident enough to sit back and let him take the lead in other areas of their marriage. Another aspect of their marriage that made it work was that they had a healthy love life. Again, she knew that he needed to feel wanted, so she wasn't afraid to initiate intimacy.
How does intimacy boost a guy's confidence? Men are misunderstood when it comes to being intimate. It’s not about the act of reaching climax; it’s about giving her pleasure. Once you are in a long-term relationship, you begin to see that he’s not just out to get off. He needs to see that you’re enjoying it too. Think about that last time you were intimate versus made love (Totally different experiences). He gets more out of it knowing that you're enjoying yourself because of him.
In that moment he's a man — mighty! So if your salary eclipses his, don't panic. Instead, realize that your guy will need a little extra support from you to keep his self-esteem high. Let him take the lead on important decisions from time to time and make sure he knows you find him attractive and value your intimate time together. It's as simple as that, and it will make all the difference.
Jessica M. Miller is a relationship, personal development, and motivational coach. She's the author of Back 2 Love and How to Start a Mental Health Private Practice.