6 Signs You're Receiving The Bare Minimum And Deserve Better
If you recognize these signs in any of your relationships, it may be time to move on.
Ground Picture / Shutterstock It’s never good when you’re in a relationship and you feel like you’re giving more than you’re getting. Whether the relationship is romantic, familial, or just a friendship, no one should ever be made to feel like they don’t matter. And yet, that often happens.
Instagram account @thescatteredfeelings focuses on promoting better mental health and expressing feelings through writing. They shared Dimple Punjaabi’s post about identifying the signs of someone doing the bare minimum.
If you see these signs in your relationships, it might be time to look for something better:
1. 'They rarely express gratitude or acknowledge your contributions'
If someone is unwilling to recognize what you bring to the table, it may be time to move on. You deserve to have your positive traits and behaviors acknowledged fully and properly.
A 2019 study published in the Journal of Family Psychology found, that ungrateful partners not only miss out on bonding moments with loved ones, but their significant others become less willing to try in the relationship because of resentment.
If someone does not acknowledge what you bring to the table, it’s okay to move on from that relationship.
2. 'They frequently make promises they don’t keep, whether it’s canceling plans last minute or not following through on commitments'
If someone makes promises they don’t keep, it’s a sure sign that they’re doing as little as possible in a relationship. If someone truly cared, they would always be there and always follow through. Not doing this means they don’t value the relationship like they should.
In an article for Forbes, author and life coach, Dr. Margie Warrell, explained, "When you decide not to call someone on their broken promise and ill-managed commitment, you’re, albeit inadvertently, being part of the problem,” she wrote. “The one thing you can count on is to expect more of it.”
You have to hold others accountable. If you are, and they still aren’t showing up, it may be time to cut off contact with them.
3. 'They don’t do anything wrong, mean, or abusive but they also don’t do much that’s kind, thoughtful, and demonstrative'
Obviously, no one wants a loved one to be mean, and the absence of that meanness may seem like such a good thing that nothing else really matters. That’s not the case, though. You don’t just want someone who’s not mean; you want someone who’s kind.
The Gottman Institute suggested that this kind of neutrality is the same thing as invalidation, and “invalidation is a form of relational trauma.” You don’t want to stay in this neutral space, as it “harms the brain and nervous system.”
4. 'They don’t ask you questions about yourself. It’s mostly either small talk, talking only about themselves or not talking at all'
If someone is not reciprocating your interest, or showing any interest in you, VeryWell Mind pointed out that it could be a sign of a one-sided relationship.
If you feel like the communication is all on you in a relationship, your counterpart is definitely doing the bare minimum.
5. 'They don’t notice when you’re upset/sad/frustrated. They’re there but not there. They’re physically present but emotionally checked out'
This kind of ignorance is a sign that a person doesn’t really care. If someone is “emotionally checked out,” it could mean they are emotionally unavailable.
According to Women’s Health, if someone is emotionally unavailable, “they may shrink away from vulnerable moments that would otherwise create a real connection, or push away anyone who even tiptoes towards their emotional boundaries.”
If someone is not there for you, then it’s difficult to even call what you have a relationship.
6. 'Carving out time for you feels like a chore to them. You don’t feel valued or cherished in the relationship'
No one wants to feel unvalued in a relationship. In these situations, PsychCentral said talking it out can be helpful. However, they also pointed out that it may be time to walk away.
Sometimes there’s no cure for feeling like you aren’t cherished like you should be, and you simply have to let it go.
If you relate to any of these signs, you deserve better, and there is better out there for you.
You deserve to be happy, feel loved, and be treated with kindness. Anything less isn't worth your time.
Don’t be afraid to leave a relationship that is not serving you in any way, or that is actively hurting you.
You’ll be glad you did.
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer for YourTango who covers entertainment, news, and human interest topics.